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Monday, January 29, 2018

It's been awhile since I've written a blog so it's time.

Recovery from my accident has not been easy. They tell you at Physio that no one recovers in a straight line. That there will be periods of progress that will likely be followed by plateaus or even steps backward. It's those dips into the valley that cause me the most difficulty. I try to approach each new day with a feeling of optimism, always looking for the positive, no matter how small it might be. More often than not I am successful. Sometimes I am not.

The last few days have found me in one of those valleys where things appear bleak. I found myself saying, I hate my life. I hate my knee. I'm never going to get any better. This is as good as it's going to get. Physio is a waste of time. I compare myself with others . . . the pastor who has cerebral palsy, the kid in my block who also has CP. I think I walk like them, only slower. I think of myself as a cripple. As someone who is going to have pain for the rest of my life . . .
My mind is very strong but at times like this it is hard, if not impossible, to rein it in. To get back on a positive track.

This was how I approached my 24th physio visit today. I cancelled my next appointment prior to even seeing the therapist. When she asked the usual, "How are you?" I didn't feel like playing that 'I'm so cheerful, I'm doing great' game. I think when I asked her what she was really asking you knew this was not going to be one of those upbeat 'I'm so grateful for all the progress I've been making . . . ' kind of sessions. I couldn't even lie and say I was okay. So I told her how I'd been feeling. She listened. She heard me. She altered my program. And then I stayed and did my exercises and had acupuncture (even if I don't feel it makes any difference) and ice. By the time I left there I told her my mood was at least 75-80% better. I thanked her for listening. She gave me a hug.

Then I came home and logged onto Spark People. I saw messages of encouragement from Spark friends. I responded to posts on the Spark Page and this is what I found:
I needed to see this message today. It's how I usually approach my days. Not mired in stinking thinking. I'm so grateful to be back on the right side of recovery.

Thank you for reading.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Just came across this excellent blog. Telling your therapist exactly how you felt was what they expect and the only way they can help. I'm guilty of giving the cheerful I'm wonderful and feel fine attitude when going to a doctor, and I need to be more honest like you were, It's hard to be upbeat and positive when one deals with constant pain. Thank heavens we have the peaks in life to make the valleys a little more tolerable. Approaching each day with optimism and looking for the positives will get you through this. You are a strong lady and an inspiration to others.
    1140 days ago
    I was in a bicycle accident - with a van! The recovery process certainly is trying! I now understand why patience is a virtue! Keep doing that physio, put forth your best efforts (some days are better than others) and give yourself a break. You can't expect any more from yourself than your best effort! Sometimes the results are slow in coming, but you can only do your part! Hug emoticon s!!!!

    1162 days ago
    I am a grouch when I am hurting. It is best to be honest with others. I have answered the question, "How are you today?" more than once with, "I'm sick " or "I'm hurting."

    My mother would never tell a doctor when she was experiencing pain or when she was sick, the symptoms she was having. Doctors cannot read minds and neither can friends or family. My husband went a whole day before telling us that he needed to go to the emergency room because of chest pain. He had a pulled muscle, but thought he was having a heart attack.

    I am glad that your therapist listened to you. I value your blogs, you are one tough lady, but we all have times when we need someone to help us, to be kind to us and let us vent our frustrations with life.

    Don't give up on your physical therapy. Many are doing what medical science said they would never do again because they didn't give up. My mother's motto was, "If you don't use it, you will lose it." I suspect that you will have pain from your knee, but if you try to do therapy on your own or not at all, my opinion is that it will not heal as well as it could if you continue to work hard with the Physio therapy.

    1166 days ago
    You can do this. It's ok to have bad days - as long as you limit them. Remember to do your "grateful" exercises when you need them to pull you out. You got this.
    1169 days ago
    It must be difficult for you somedays Mayie. Getting down is also the way up, believe it or not. You stewfor a while and then the sky clears and you find yourself lucky and happy to be alive.
    Toeverything there is a season and a reason. Believe in that.


    Leave a little sparkle wherever you go !
    1171 days ago
    I'm so happy to hear it worked out for you. Being honest is the best thing.... you shouldn't have to sugar coat things with your doctors -- and when we do, we allow ourselves to be misdiagnosed. You've been doing so much better at staying up beat..... especially through out all this. I can think back to a time when you were down for months and now its a matter of days at the most. CONGRATS on your progress!!!!
    1171 days ago
    emoticon Hang on May, those seeds of HOPE will grow and keep us strong. You know 3 years ago I was told by several doctors I would be on steroids forever. I've been off them 6 weeks now. You are among the friends that got me there! emoticon Then, you were delt this hand, but you continue to be an inspriration!

    The people in our lives, Doctors, Therapists, close friends --those that help and support us ARE the people we need to tell how we REALLY feel; we can trust them to do what they can in our best interest. Don't try to attack it all alone; even feelings. There are no good or bad, right or wrong, feelings. Not all understand--but you know those that do. It's not your job to make them feel good -- by the way, helping does make them feel good -- it's a privilege and a joy when they can help. I definitely let these people know how I feel; I also let them know how much I appreciate them. Life is not easy, but it is still good. Better days ahead. emoticon
    1171 days ago
  • -POOKIE-
    So glad to see you posting a blog again. Sharing your feelings can be wonderful, and you really do have a great way with words.

    Lovely that your therapist is so understanding and helpful. A good health care provider can really make the world of difference.
    1172 days ago
    Great that you have such an understanding therapist, together you'll get you back to being YOU Mayie.
    It will take time but keep positive, hard as it is you can ride the bad days knowing you're getting there.
    1172 days ago
    I'm glad you felt better after talking to the therapist. I hope you continue to feel better in the coming days.
    1172 days ago
    I can't begin to understand what it is you're going through. I'm so very sorry that you had the accident and that the recovery is such a difficult process. It also breaks my heart to think of you in a valley, because you are such a ray of sunshine to me. I wish I could reach out and give you a big hug and take away all the tough times. However, I have come to understand that these tough times or what really make us who we are. You are a winner. You inspire me all the time and your encouragement is something I look forward to. You exhibited even more strength and being honest about your feelings, and it's a lesson to me to see that when you open up that people really do care and give you what you need. What a blessing you are.
    1172 days ago
    I tore a muscle in my hip/leg a month and a half ago. I know that what happened isn't anywhere near as severe as what happened to you but I totally understand what you are saying. The last few days I've felt similar to what you have been feeling. I have been honest with my therapist recently about my hip hurting the next day after some of the exercises he had me doing. He didn't push me as much and didn't stretch my leg/hip as much either which definitely helped. I hope you've come out of your valley and will start to see improvements again. Recovering from an injury regardless of how major or minor it is never goes as quickly as we want it to. emoticon
    1172 days ago
  • EISSA7
    It took courage to open up to your therapist and speak the truth...thank goodness you did. I am so glad that you are feeling more hopeful!! emoticon
    1172 days ago
    So glad you are posting a blog.I did a blog today after a very dry spell of not doing so for awhile. I hope the New Year holds good things for you and me. Let's stick together.. there is safety in
    1172 days ago
    ((((HUGS)))) Glad you were honest w/your therapist. That's a good thing. Ad sure hope that the plateau is busted now and you feel better. It's not easy. But w/hope, things will happen.
    1172 days ago
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