Fighting the Feeling that I Failed
Sunday, January 28, 2018
I was so excited to have lost 7.5 pounds after surgery that I was sure I would continue. I aimed for 2 pounds this week, which, given the current situation, may not have been realistic, but I thought it was OK all week.
I ate pretty carefully, mindfully. Knowing I could not make it to Planet Fitness yet, I had to compensate on the food and water end.
I gained half a pound! So disappointed! I am having all kinds of internal conversations about that, fighting with myself about how to feel, how to respond.
In the shower, before I weighed, I voiced something I have known forever. I am afraid of feeling hungry. Feeling hungry brings me right back to my unhappy childhood and taps into all of those food thoughts of deprivation.
Breakfast was carefully measured and logged in. I hate doing this. But, I love the feeling of looser clothes more!
I hope to start going back to the gym tomorrow. I may only be able to do a few minutes on the elliptical, but I have to start. The post surgery pain is gone if I don't move, but it does reawaken depending on how I move...I did do a few Kettle Bell lifts with my KB "paperweight" (3#) which would be dismissed by those who are real KB users. I will get there, too.