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Fighting the Feeling that I Failed

Sunday, January 28, 2018

I was so excited to have lost 7.5 pounds after surgery that I was sure I would continue. I aimed for 2 pounds this week, which, given the current situation, may not have been realistic, but I thought it was OK all week.

I ate pretty carefully, mindfully. Knowing I could not make it to Planet Fitness yet, I had to compensate on the food and water end.

I gained half a pound! So disappointed! I am having all kinds of internal conversations about that, fighting with myself about how to feel, how to respond.

In the shower, before I weighed, I voiced something I have known forever. I am afraid of feeling hungry. Feeling hungry brings me right back to my unhappy childhood and taps into all of those food thoughts of deprivation.

Breakfast was carefully measured and logged in. I hate doing this. But, I love the feeling of looser clothes more!

I hope to start going back to the gym tomorrow. I may only be able to do a few minutes on the elliptical, but I have to start. The post surgery pain is gone if I don't move, but it does reawaken depending on how I move...I did do a few Kettle Bell lifts with my KB "paperweight" (3#) which would be dismissed by those who are real KB users. I will get there, too.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • LOVESTYPOS
    You are still recovering from your surgery, hun. A 1/2 pound gain is nothing to get concerned about. I'm sure you'll do better on your next weigh in. Hang in there!
    294 days ago
  • JHADZHIA
    Sorry you had the gain :-( Who knows what it might have been from.
    You know as long as you are fighting those demons from childhood, you will never be truly free to move forward and realise all your dreams. I have heard it time and again, if you can't release and heal your past, you are doomed to keep repeating the behaviors learned from it. Have you ever thought of, at the very least, seeking counseling, or perhaps one of the people who claims they can heal your blockages? Its worth a try.
    I wouldn't have thought it would be okay for you to be lifting anything so soon after surgery, I mean if it was bothering you just to drive. Please be careful, you don't want to rupture anything..
    Take care of yourself, your priority right now should be to heal..
    emoticon m emoticon
    294 days ago
  • HAPPIHOME
    Don't be discouraged. You did everything right the scales want you to think differently. Lots of things could be the reason. See the big picture - you are progressing. We are all going to have pebbles on the road to make it a bit bumpy sometimes, but keep going. You'll get there.

    emoticon emoticon emoticon
    294 days ago

    Comment edited on: 1/28/2018 7:22:56 PM
  • WURSTMAN
    Remind yourself of the fact there are 52 weeks in a year If you succeed 50 percent of the time you would loose 100 lbs. so I you gained 25 lbs. .5 lbs on missed weeks you would still loose 75 lbs over a year
    294 days ago
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