Saturday, January 13, 2018
Not sure what happened yesterday....ok, well, actually that's a lie. I know exactly what happened. Sometimes my husband gets impatient when we are doing things and in his frustration says things like, "Don't do that, why did you do that?" Not a big deal and he always is so sweet afterwards, but I just CRASH. I immediately get my feelings SO hurt and find myself saying things like "Because I'm stupid, I guess!" and then just going into total pout mode.
Yep - let me introduce you to Little Tracey. I know that's what happening during those times. It's the same thing I experience at work if someone disagrees with me, or if someone ignores me, or if my kids seem even the least bit out of sorts with me. "See! You are so stupid! You're a total idiot! Why can't they see that I'm really smart and wonderful? Why do I even try to do things when I know it won't turn out well? Why? Why? Why?"
OH MY FREAKING GOD I HATE BEING LIKE THAT. I still feel the "sting" of it today even though I got up this morning determined to feel differently. It's not that I'M stupid - it's that FEELING THAT WAY ABOUT MYSELF is stupid. But I can't seem to help it. And being the person that I am - I am PERSISTENT - I find it so frustrating that I can't seem to stop it. This morning I kept saying to myself, "Blog about it - GET IT OUT." And the pouty Tracey would say, "No, just sit here and pout. They don't care anyway. It's stupid." SHUT UP.
So that's why I blogged about it. To get it out. And if anyone has other techniques you use to get those voices to shut the hell up, please share.
I ate a healthy breakfast and now I'm taking my dog for a hike.
I GOT THIS.