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Emotional Crash

Saturday, January 13, 2018

Not sure what happened yesterday....ok, well, actually that's a lie. I know exactly what happened. Sometimes my husband gets impatient when we are doing things and in his frustration says things like, "Don't do that, why did you do that?" Not a big deal and he always is so sweet afterwards, but I just CRASH. I immediately get my feelings SO hurt and find myself saying things like "Because I'm stupid, I guess!" and then just going into total pout mode.

Yep - let me introduce you to Little Tracey. I know that's what happening during those times. It's the same thing I experience at work if someone disagrees with me, or if someone ignores me, or if my kids seem even the least bit out of sorts with me. "See! You are so stupid! You're a total idiot! Why can't they see that I'm really smart and wonderful? Why do I even try to do things when I know it won't turn out well? Why? Why? Why?"

OH MY FREAKING GOD I HATE BEING LIKE THAT. I still feel the "sting" of it today even though I got up this morning determined to feel differently. It's not that I'M stupid - it's that FEELING THAT WAY ABOUT MYSELF is stupid. But I can't seem to help it. And being the person that I am - I am PERSISTENT - I find it so frustrating that I can't seem to stop it. This morning I kept saying to myself, "Blog about it - GET IT OUT." And the pouty Tracey would say, "No, just sit here and pout. They don't care anyway. It's stupid." SHUT UP.

So that's why I blogged about it. To get it out. And if anyone has other techniques you use to get those voices to shut the hell up, please share.

I ate a healthy breakfast and now I'm taking my dog for a hike.

So there....

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • MAYIE53
    Dearest Little Tracey . . . I wish you didn't hurt so much inside. I love you. I will care for you. . . .

    Knowledge is power! You are soooooo smart Tracey. I wish I had whatever answer it is you need but I don't. The voice you have inside your head sounds an awful lot like my mother's voice, my former partner's voice, my daughter's voice. I know that when I'm feeling good about myself I don't hear those voices. But that doesn't mean they have been silenced forever, that they are not hovering somewhere inside me just waiting for the next opportunity to attack. I know that. You know it too.

    I haven't done it for awhile (too busy trying to recover) but I remember the days when I used to say OUT LOUD (well, not really loud) on the street . . . loving words to my inner child. Yes, I felt silly at first. I didn't even think it would work. But I stuck with it and it seemed to make me feel better. I am currently not in a place where I need that but if I was I would certainly take it out and give it a try again. It can't hurt.

    Hugs, my precious friend.
    459 days ago
    Can't really add much more except to reinterate love yourself.
    462 days ago
    I agree with the other comment also. Do NOT say you are stupid, give the real reason you did it. Because I wanted to, or because I thought it would work, whatever it is QUIT LYING. You are not stupid
    462 days ago
    It's low self esteem. I could lecture you and give you 50 things to try and do. What I really suggest is a therapist, someone who can help u separate and not hold all the guilt of a moment in your core. I've been where u are
    462 days ago
    It is natural for feelings to be hurt at times. Apologize for saying things in the "heat of the moment" or not .but, do not let the hurt linger and grow into anything more. emoticon
    462 days ago
  • HOLLYM48
    Please love yourself! Talk to yourself as you would to a friend. You are not stupid. When you feel that way next time, maybe you should say 5 things you love about yourself to put yourself in a better place. Like "I love my eyes!" "my legs are strong and they carry me everywhere." "I did great today doing ..."
    Please find things to be positive about when the negative creeps in.
    Keep on sparking.
    462 days ago
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