neuro-pyscho-babble and food

Monday, January 08, 2018

I survived the weekend, and today marks 10 days til surgery. I need to do a clarification post. My husband is not a bad guy. He is supportive in his own way, after all he is paying my medical bills. He is a terrific father, a great daycare provider, but a lover of change he is not, and this is one huge change. We bonded over food. Some of our first dates were eating popcorn and watching TV. I used to show my love by making great meals, full of carbs and oozing cheese So, what do you do when you can't be in the same room as he scarfs down apple pie while watching Games of Thrones? I spent lot of time in my office. He bonded with the youngest one over what they were going to eat, and I will admit I was a bit witchy and twitchy about the whole thing. I might have yelled. He might have yelled back. First time THATS ever happened. People expressed concern, that he wasn't understanding. He is, he knows this is hard, I certainly told them it was hard, loudly with profanity as I drank my shake. He just doesn't get food addiction. Not everyone does. and maybe it's unfair to suddenly stop the wifely duties of cooking dinner and going grocery shopping and monitoring their meals. But it's my plan, don't judge me, and if you feel the need to judge me, keep it to yourself. I have enough judgement going on in my zooming itchy twitchy brain.

It's a biological response, and the addiction process is wired to either encourage that response ( if we like it) or decrease the response ( if if's painful.) My food addiction is telling me that I need to blunt the world, that I need to calm my zoom with a bowel of potatoes, that I am a bit manic. It makes sense. The psych meds work best if eaten with food, and fat at that, and I don't think the chocolate caramel shake is the same fat content. I'm not giving my brain chemistry the same chemicals from food that it is used to, and the result is I'm zooming. So I promise, I wont go shopping, book an exotic vacation or make any life changing decisions. I will steady the course. I really wish I could stop the zoom, it makes me tired. Perhaps tomorrow, I will go see the doctor and ask about med adjustment. Whatever neurotransmitter that carbohydrates gives my brain is missing, and I am zooming. I cant remember, from neuro-psych at Whitworth University back in 1989, if its is serotonin or dopamine but maybe an adjustment would be good.

Work is certainly going to benefit from the zoom. I have 11 reports to complete , and enter all the pesky info into the database before the 17. That's like one a day, but actually, I have to have all of them written by close of business on the 11.
I ran around and did errands at lunch time. I dropped off ingredients for Saturday's dinner, and flyers. ( I forgot Anna), I met with the insurance agent and the bank. The rest of the schedule is:
Tuesday- go to Gym, sign up, flyers
Wednesday- paybills, order catalogs, order 31,Bank- 50 cash, flyers
Thursday, party city/ dollar tree?
Pharmacy on Friday, national pharmacy day and check vitamins.
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    I just wish you luck on your journey!
    677 days ago
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