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Musings and Decisions

Sunday, January 07, 2018

About July of this past year, I "fell off the wagon." Ok - not really. I SLID off - slowly. Then I made a decision. I decided to STAY off the wagon. At first it was more of just ignoring the voices in my head that reminded me of the healthy habits I had embraced. Then I set time frames - "OK, eat what you want for a couple of weeks, then we'll get back on." I also weighed myself a lot - and when I realized I wasn't gaining weight, that only set the time frames out even further. It then became "OK - if you get to 280, that's when you HAVE to get back on the wagon." Then it was "after the holidays." SO - I got back on SP today and the coaching session on SparkCoach was about how to keep from overeating. Becky was asking about what triggers overeating - a buffet? a holiday party? Certain foods? NOPE. It hit me hard that for me - IT HAS BEEN A DECISION.

WTH. Nope, I don't get it any more than you do. I have NO idea why after so many months of hard work, successes, lost weight and motivating OTHERS, I would DECIDE to stop. It's a pattern I have seen in myself over and over. I used to think it had something to do with stress, or depression, or the season...but I don't think so anymore. I think I just DECIDE to stop treating myself well. I DECIDE to eat carbs because they taste so damn good. Bottom line. But now that I've had so many months of healthy living to compare it to, I can honestly say that I can't WAIT to live healthy again because everything about it makes me feel better. So I have DECIDED again to eat well. I have DECIDED again to exercise.

TODAY I will eat high protein, low carbs and I will eat until I'm full. Intuitive eating - it's what has worked best for me in the past. I'm going to do some kind of exercise for at least 30 minutes. I'll probably start walking first. Partly because I've lost ground in being fit, and also because I've had some major BP issues (go figure) in the last 6 months. That's it for now. Not too much and not too soon. I've also learned that lesson as well.

So for those who are playing the home game, a little info to catch you up. My 2 year old granddaughter Maeva was diagnosed with Autism. If anyone has experience with this, I would love to hear about it. She and my daughter-in-law have returned to the States so she can get services while my son Jared is remaining in Germany to finish his tour of duty there. Fortunately he got to be home for Christmas so that was nice. My son Joshua is still working as a CNA and living with his Dad (groan) but says he has plans to move out soon. He's coming to visit in a couple of weeks and I'm so looking forward to that. I can't talk about my daughter right now, but will in another blog. Work is great! Lots of traveling but I love what I'm doing so that helps. I just found out my boss has resigned, though, so I'm a little apprehensive about her replacement since I really liked her. I guess we'll see. My hubby is wonderful and continues to spoil me rotten. I'll update on the music scene soon as well.

I hope you all have had a wonderful holiday season and wish you all a HAPPY AND HEALTHY NEW YEAR.

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • MAYIE53
    Oh my goodness, you just totally made my day!!!!!!! I am thrilled to see you back again. I have missed you so much. I can relate in so many ways to DECIDING to allow my healthy lifestyle to be replaced by previous unhealthy eating habits, combined with an enforced sedentary existence . . . resulting in a 20 pound weight gain which brings me to within 6 pounds of my all time high weight. I am also now the not so proud possessor of high cholesterol and other assorted bad things. My downfall started October 16th when I was hit by a car. Surgery to repair two broken bones on October 23rd. Living on my couch for almost 3 months. Relying on food brought in by others. Eating everything in sight. I've probably consumed more meat in the past 3 months than in the total 50 years prior to that. I can't really pin point the moment I gave up but give up I did. When the insurance adjuster asked if I believed I would recover from this accident waaaay back in October I replied 'Absolutely!' I had no idea what lay ahead. I am not making excuses for the position I find myself in; after all, I did DECIDE to overeat, to make poor food choices, to not exercise those body parts that were still functioning. I know this is not supposed to be about me but . . . there it is. I am SOOOOOO GLAD you are back!! I wish you all the best. YOU HAVE GOT THIS!!
    467 days ago
    Well, wishing you and your family the best! Keep up the momentum! HUGS
    467 days ago
    Sending you a huge hug and tons of encouragement!!!!
    467 days ago
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