I know it has been awhile....
Thursday, December 28, 2017
I haven't written anything in a long time because I keep waiting to have something positive to say. However...I do feel a bit isolated so maybe I just need to stay connected even when I am having a hard time. I hit my weight goal last April but now I'm about 12 pounds over it. I went on vacation in October and completely derailed. I am exercising 3-5 times a week but my food and alcohol consumption is way off. It's not off every day. As is always the case with me I have my good days (which are perfect) and my bad days (which are perfectly bad). For some reason that illusive moderation is staying illusive (at least for me). I also quit my job and am sort of semi retired for the moment. It's very strange to not be working after working for 30 years. I can't say I'm bored yet. The food and booze binge times are not happening during the day but in the evening still. It's an old, long standing pattern with me and I just want to feel the way I did in April....when the compulsion just wasn't as strong. Overall I feel ok most of the time but I am sort of lonely and I miss my family which has scattered across the country. My husband is wonderful and supportive but he enjoys when I indulge because he often joins me. He does not have a weight problem though and I don't want to keep growing. I also want to be good to my body and stuffing it with excess food (like 3000 calories) and alcohol (vodka, my drink of choice) is not treating it well.
Sorry to be a bit of a downer. I am not expecting any answers from anyone I just wanted to share where I am at the moment.