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Asking for too much

Wednesday, December 27, 2017

Christmas was a wonderful time for food, family, and fun. In the midst of the frivolity, Brandon, our 16-year-old grandson, along with his mother, approached my husband and said; "Grampy, I want you to give me your truck." Brandon was completely serious, expecting his grandfather to give him the $20,000 Dodge Ram Truck, fully loaded with the cap on the back.
I'm in shock! What happened to the sweet child? Why would his mother encourage him to ask for such an expensive gift?
Brandon has a car, and I talked to him about saving up some cash, and learning how to buy a truck. There's no way we would give him the truck. We gave him a $20.00 book, purchased a family game, and also paid for lots of goodies for our family feast. We spent two nights in a B&B, and paid for the gas to make the 5 1/2 hour round trip. Christmas set us back a bit as it is. We cannot afford to give away the truck.
I have a feeling this was not the last time we will be asked. I feel hurt that my best gifts are not enough to make the family happy. To me, it is rude and presumptuous to ask someone you love for a $20 K truck when we were able to give him a $20 book.
Maybe Brandon needs to learn about perspective. Maybe he needs to learn how long it took for his grampy to get the truck and to pay for it. Maybe it's time for Brandon and his mom to be satisfied with the gifts that they are given. The art of being happy is to be satisfied with what you have. I want this kind of art to be seen in our family. I just might buy a matchbox truck for Brandon's birthday present.
What would you do if YOU were asked to give away your vehicle? How would you react?
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    My oldest nephew once asked if he could have my car when I got a new one. I laughed and said no.
    749 days ago
    Wow, that DOES take a lot of chutzpah! He must not have any sense of how much things cost!
    749 days ago
    749 days ago
    750 days ago
    We all have to accept no sometimes :)
    750 days ago
    I am so flabbergasted that I really wouldn't know how to react. Why would he even ask such a thing? You are right to be upset and disappointed of both your grandson and his mother.
    750 days ago
    I'm not sure that I would spend the money for a Matchbox Truck. Maybe a photo of Grampy's truck tucked inside a birthday card.?
    750 days ago
    I would have been flabbergasted! Especially with his mother standing near him (backing him up?). Then a resounding NO!!! How dare they ask for that? Of course, I tend to be sarcastic at times, so I might have said “sure, when we don’t need it anymore, like in about 20 years”

    750 days ago
  • 2DAWN4
    I am speechless! And that does not happen too often to me! I can see the grandson asking for the truck since sometimes teenagers have no concept of money. But for the mom to be with him.......that takes the cake! Sorry that they put you both in an uncomfortable position. I love your solution. Every year, when asked what I want by my library kiddos, I tell them a motorcycle. That is a real dream of mine but I don't expect any one to give me one. But the past couple of years, my assistant has given me a motorcycle ornament. I look forward to those and the kids think it is a hoot!
    750 days ago
    You have already received a lot of good advice - I can't really add much more. At the same time I agree with the basic concepts of 1) the mother should have taught him better than to be so rude; 2) this is a 16 year old with a lot to learn and you are helping him by pointing him in the direction of earning it himself. Hold your ground and write it off as a teaching moment. I can look back at my teen years and cringe at how naive, and as a result rude, I probably was at that time; hopefully he will learn some lessons too. As adult family members we can help guide them and then the rest is up to them. Hopefully this will become a family story told with head-shaking humor and not long-term resentment.

    750 days ago
    750 days ago
    good on you
    750 days ago
    Thanks for your input friends. I appreciate knowing that I'm not wrong in assuming that the request is rude, presumptuous and outrageous.
    I am hurt both by Brandon and his Mom.
    750 days ago
    Wow! I would sit him down and explain to him why this could not happen. I would also seek to understand why he would make such a request. Somewhere along the line, he failed to understand the ramifications of his request. At 16 years old, maybe he just doesn’t know better, therefore, he can't be held totally responsible. Obviously, his parent should help him understand, and if they don't there is much more work to do.
    751 days ago
  • LIS193
    That was quite an outrageous statement from your grandson.. Context goes a long way: Depending on previous conversations, you can determine whether it was a one-off or if it represents a pattern and then base your thoughts / actions on that.
    Still, it is hurtful when he seems to have so little appreciation of you making the long trip to be with him for Christmas.

    751 days ago
    It is a balancing act. Sharing what you can is important but I try to be very clear on our limits without reacting too much when I am asked for expensive things from my son in law. My 5 year old grandson asks for expensive toys but I always tell him that Grandma doesn’t have the money. Then I give him a hug.
    751 days ago
    Oh dear... I would say no and tell him how unrealistic his request is, and that he hurt my feelings.
    And - like you do - try to understand why he has such false perception of financial matters.

    751 days ago
    I am in shock. I had to reread your blog a couple of times to make sure I read it correctly. They were being rude and presumptuous. You responded appropriately. Hopefully there won't be further requests. Hang in there!
    751 days ago
    I think you handled this really well. I really appreciated the comments you got too. I'm kind of shocked too. On the surface it appears to be very insensitive. Do they seem to think your husband is going to die soon and that he will have no use for the truck? Are they getting in their wish list for when it happens in the distant future? Are they thinking you won't need it after retirement? Are they under the impression that you are just rolling in money? I would make sure that the grandson and his mother know that you aren't wealthy and can't afford to give everyone in the family the equivalent of $20,000 in order to be fair. I think that you need to make certain that this is the last time you are asked this question. Now that you know what is coming you can cut it off short and say that you have already had this discussion and the answer will always be the same. End of discussion. Your grandson can get a job and start saving up for his own truck. It's important that he have good manners for future jobs and this kind of behavior won't help him in that regard.
    751 days ago
    Oh my goodness! That is completely out of line! People feel entitled to so much these days.
    751 days ago
    I think you handled it well, I think I would be real cautious of further gifts . Looks to me you gave too much already. Reminds me of a friends friend who's GS drove Grandpa's pickup, without permission while Gramps was in Fl. for the winter, next winter I hid it in my shed all winter, safe.
    751 days ago
    This is such audacity how on earth can the mother allow her son to do it my girls were always satisfied with what they got this is too much just keep away from them limit contact as another said I would love to give everything to my grands but not a thing I cant afford to give away feel bad you had to face this at this time
    751 days ago
  • MARTHA324
    My first reaction would be to ask "you're kidding, right?" If Brandon wasn't kidding, I would have just said "no."

    751 days ago
  • JANET552
    I would have laughed and told him he was being absurd (and why).
    751 days ago
    Perhaps he meant he'd like to have it in the future... maybe he's just expressing his admiration of the truck now, so you'll know he wants it if you decide to get rid of it later for a new one. OR some kids just think they should tell you what they want; it doesn't mean he's expecting to get it. Anyway, you gave him the right response in telling him how he can earn one some day. :)
    751 days ago
    Wow! I guess it's not my place to be judgmental, but I would say for me, the hugest issue I would have is with Mom not telling him that was inappropriate. It is so sad to me the sense of entitlement that kids that age have. Honestly, my DD is 22 and has that sense of entitlement.. The word NO is used frequently, even when it's difficult. No parent wants to see their child or their grandchildren struggle. . . BUT . . . that's life. That's something yo have to learn to deal with.

    Just so sorry that this happened on Christmas. NOT that it would be good @ any time, but . . . just saying.

    Your decision was the best . . . you do NOT owe your grandson a $20K truck!!!

    Hmmmm. . . . the matchbox truck would be something I'd think of too. Don't know if I'd do it, though, just because,I think what you've told him should suffice.

    Life is full of hard sometimes!
    751 days ago
  • EISSA7
    A few years ago, we foolishly provided our oldest grandson with a Jeep. Long story short....BIG mistake!
    Live and learn....His entitled and ungrateful behaviors since have made sure that we do not ever make the same lapse in judgement for the younger 3! You, as we did, worked very hard for our money; some people are not, and never will be, willing to do that.
    751 days ago
    Why would this kid feel he had the right to ask such a question?
    751 days ago
    Wow! I am not sure what I would have said.
    I guess I might have told him to get a job, if he didn't already have one, and he could save up to buy a vehicle. Or his Grandpa's vehicle when he decided he was going to sell it.

    I don't know your grandson but that was pretty nervy to ask and his Mom should have told him that was rude.
    751 days ago
    Just say no. I learned a long time ago that if I don't ask for something, I certainly wouldn't get it, so I always asked. The No wasn't a problem, that I asked was enough. Smile and move on.
    751 days ago
    Wow. Perhaps they were trying to be funny by saying something so outrageous --and that is a possibility in the middle of family fun. We have some grand-kids getting ready to drive and I could see the parents saying something like...Yeah, John will need a vehicle soon....How 'bout your truck, Dad ? And people would laugh with the silliness of the request.

    But this doesn't sound like it was a joke. And that doesn't seem to be your impression. If it was a serious question, it was very rude and presumptuous.
    751 days ago

    Comment edited on: 12/27/2017 7:18:01 AM
    I tend to be direct and would have responded with a clear "No,"

    Whether or not you can afford to gift him with the truck is not the point. It appears that he and his mother feel entitled to the truck. Maybe time to quit doing so much for them.
    751 days ago
    The mind boggles. My son is autistic and he knows better than to do something like that. Maybe because I have tried to instill the value of things into him from an early age. When he was 4 or 5, yes, then he would ask for expensive things, but I explained money to him (and my lack thereof) early on. Now he says, "If it's not too expensive, could you..." or even looks it up himself online.
    751 days ago
    A bit of a shock but my GC aren't that old yet.
    A true sign of immaturity. Someday he will
    understand why his request was too much.
    751 days ago
  • P61763
    751 days ago
    Wow! Maybe it's to time to - sad to say - limit contact? That's cold, hard and selfish (unless I'm missing something else here)........


    On a somewhat lighter (though darkly snarky note), I'd have been more than happy to give away my previous vehicle ....... it had a notorious tendency to overheat - and couldn't get a permanent fix on it.........oh, those last few months were true automotive h*ll! See - told ya about the dark snark!

    751 days ago
    i do not know how I will react. Could you have misunderstood?
    751 days ago
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