Updates and Goals

Tuesday, December 19, 2017

Just got the word today that my insurance company will NOT cover any skin removal surgery. Period. End of discussion. It sucks, but according to them, they'll give you the weight loss surgery coverage but for no reason will ever cover the skin removal, no matter what medical need is cited by medical professionals. So even though my WLS surgeon and the plastic surgeon have told me that I am an excellent candidate and would really benefit from the surgery, I cannot have that surgery right now... what?

I've messaged an outfit out of Mexico that does these types of surgeries for a quote, but I'm sure I will not be able to afford that right now either... what?

I'm not in a good place mentally with all of this information. I have other things going on in my life that are stressing me out as well and it feels a bit like everything is falling apart at once, but I can't give in to the depression I feel creeping in on me from all sides. I have to try to work through this in a positive way. I have to do whatever it is I can to move myself forward. I'm no stranger to hard work...I just have to regroup myself and keep going. No matter what.

Okay, so my diet needs adjusted. I do pretty good most of the time. I'd say I'm 70/30 on my goals, but there is certainly room for improvement.

1. Drink More Water
2. Take My Vitamins
3. Get in All My Protein
4. Stay Lower Carb
5. Cut Sweets Pretty Much to Zero

This is the hard part for me. The pain being caused by the pull of the skin creates major issues in my fitness goals. But I THINK I can work through them. At least, I'm going to try.

1. Run More - I have ONE year to train for a half. That's plenty of time. Take it slow!
2. Strength - Maybe I can strengthen my core and hip through strength exercises.
3. Stretch - I'm thinking I need to bring back some yoga to my routine.
4. No Excuses - Working out 6 times a week is the goal ALWAYS. 45 minutes min each time.
5. Roll - And the final key is rolling out my hip EVERY TIME. ALL THE TIME.

Okay, this is where I'm really struggling. Because I want to be okay with myself...but I'm not. I have lost 250 pounds but I still see myself as VERY big. People call me skinny and I call them crazy. I literally cannot SEE it anymore. I see my stomach, the skin on my arms and legs and the fact that my clothes do not fit right and I still think I haven't done ANYTHING to get where I want to be and it will NEVER happen. This is where I will struggle the most in the next year or so. How do I work on being okay even if nothing ever happens to move me to where I want to be? How do I be okay losing a fight I fought for 30+ years?!

1. Meditate - I need to devote some time to settling my mind. I SUCK at this.
2. Relax - I suck even more at this!
3. Positive Affirmations - I really try hard, but it's hard to even accept compliments.
4. Self-Help - Beachbody taught me one thing and that's empowerment through reading.
5. Therapy - I hate to say this, but I have to give up on my old therapist and find a new one.

My old therapist was the best. I've had SO many duds. I need someone good. But my old therapist doesn't have any openings and I'm missing this part of my life. I need to find someone to talk to that isn't directly involved in my life and can help me refocus myself to things that help me grow as a person and be okay with who I am...even if I never change.
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  • no profile photo CD4764832
    Ester, I can't even begin to image what you are going through but you are strong enough to make it. You have to look at how far you come, period.

    I would totally donate to a Youfund for you, have you thought of that?

    Focus on the positive, you are enough right now, period!

    1117 days ago
  • SUGIRL06
    That really sucks about the insurance. They are the worst. They won't cover some things for my aunt that could literally be life saving (she's short of breathe for no reason). I don't understand.

    You have a lot going on right now! It sounds like you have it handled. What half are you doing? Or have you not decided yet?
    1129 days ago
  • ERIN1128
    Argh, insurance is so frustrating! I'm sorry. Is there any kind of online community of folks who've been through that surgery, that might have tips? I'm sure you've already looked into that. Hang in there, you're doing so well!
    1130 days ago
  • EISSA7
    Reread, as often as necessary, the diet, exercise, and mental plan/lists that you blogged. You have given yourself excellent advice. Not being approved for skin removal surgery must be extremely frustrating and disappointing, to say the least. Kudos that you are trying to stay positive and regroup! You have accomplished so much on your healthy journey, I hope that you find the therapist that can help you continue to grow. emoticon
    1131 days ago
    KP - I struggle with that because I feel like everyone's journey is SO different there is no one who really knows what it's like. Many of them started smaller than me, many were done quicker, many don't workout like I do (or have the desire to), etc., etc. it's hard to find someone relatable in all this...
    1131 days ago
    Have you spoken to other who have had the surgery and have the same situation? They may have some helpful tip to not make exercising painful and tips on finding clothing that fit beautifully.

    Keep going- you are in the process of achieving your goals. You have come so far, don't give-up on yourself. Take a deep breathe and keep moving forward.

    1131 days ago
    I do hope you find a way to have this done. Give your self a little recovery time fro, the insurance company rejection, then re focus.
    1131 days ago
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