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Swing low, sweet chariot...

Tuesday, December 05, 2017

I knew it was coming, I was prepared for it, I'd been dreading it...
Dad died this morning. He was out with his uncle doing some parts shopping after being home sick for a few days... they left the store, he stated he was feeling off and needed to go to the hospital and... just gently dropped to the ground and passed through the veil. The doctors tried to revive him, but... *shrug* He had a defibrillator installed when he had his heart attack a few years ago, but it wasn't enough to keep him going.

I knew his heart was bad, but I didn't know he had diabetes to the extent he did. THAT scared me more than anything. Earlier this year I had bloodwork done and discovered that my A1C is high, but not quite into prediabetes. I'm toeing the line, but not there.

Going to dad's little two room apartment and seeing the medications, the box of insulin needles on the table, the testing supplies... I'm well and truly scared for myself. I don't want to go this route. I know diabetes isn't a death sentence... but after watching my close friend's mom gain so much weight, go on home dialysis, bang a toe and lose half her leg, die from a staph infection after being admitted from complications due to diabetes... and now my dad?

I'm feeling seriously lost.

I got to see him before the funeral home picked him up. I thought I would freak out, I thought it would be weird... It was odd, but peaceful. I got to stroke his hair, hold his hand, kiss his forehead, and apologize for being a crap communicator (he was as well, which is where I get it from I suppose). He is on his way to Gift of Life Ann Arbor for tissue donation right now. Tomorrow my sister and I make final arrangements at the funeral home (which is right up the street from my house, how convenient), pack up his meager possessions, get his affairs in order... and just let it all sink in, I guess.

As I said, I've been expecting this. It was just a matter of time. Still wasn't ready for it. My birthday is next week. Christmas is in a couple weeks. This has been a crap year! My mom's brother died over the summer... both he and mom were adopted from separate families so I don't worry about his health affecting me... but damn, he had the same problems dad had! Bad heart, diabetes... AAAAAAAAUGH. Unfortunately for him, he was alone when he died. Thank God that dad had Uncle Tom with him.

I do have to say, though, that he picked an interesting place to shuffle loose his mortal coil. He'd just done a bit of shopping at the tractor supply store that was just built in our hometown and was walking back to my uncle's truck. I mean, if you're gonna go, go somewhere where you're happy, right? (Someone better keep a crash cart near me while I'm out book shopping, then!)

Luckily, mom has had her health on lock since she was a kid. Her health is good, her bloodwork is great, her dental checkups are always five star... may I take more after her than dad. *snort*

Mom, who is not an emotional person nor is one to show affection freely, actually hugged me and wiped my tears. She hasn't done the latter since I was a wee little kid. It was weird. Nice, but weird.

Huge shout out to my coworker Taylor who immediately got my shifts covered for me this week. I'm allotted 3 days for grieving and planning. Dad didn't have any assets, any properties... he was living on disability and had sold his truck. There's not much to take care of... it feels like a huge mountain but it's hardly a bump. Sorry, I'm rambling at this point.

That's all for now. Laundry, grocery list, to do list, bed. Ciao.

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