Tuesday, November 28, 2017
I’ve been gone. A long time. Busy playing the ostrich. I was doing so good. Then, I told myself I could eat a little piece of dark chocolate. That’s when the downhill ride began. Short after that, I met my boss in her office because she wanted to ask me about a recent request I had made. Looking back on it, it was a stupid move for reasons that are all wrong but it doesn’t make the situation otherwise.
See, I have a temporary assignment and I am mostly doing high rank tasks BUT I am paid the lowest rank salary. I asked my union rep to inquire about the highest rank tasks list to compare what I do to what’s on the list. We didn’t go any further than asking for the list when my boss asked me to meet her.
My reading of the situation is that she was utterly insulted that I could think myself as efficient as the person I fill for. She kept repeating it was “a funny move” for a person in my situation. She bashed me until I cried, went as far as saying to me that she didn’t see my potential in any domains relevant to my job. Let’s say I didn’t cope with it very professionally. I took the afternoon off and the morning after, she pointed it out. To which I answered that it was a personal attack. It stayed there until she apologized 10 days later. She apologized for making me feel bad but not for what she said. She told me she was having a bad day and she didn’t react properly. She didn’t apologize for insulting me or making me cry, no, just for the way she had said the things she said. She did it again with another temp employee - she was harsh toward a question she had than apologized the day after.
Through all this, I found out that I rarely have excuses/reasons to defend myself with. It’s all right to take the blame when it’s really your fault but sometimes, it’s genuinely not your fault. You did everything you could, with all the best intentions but the results weren’t what was expected. I need to learn to let go of the blame when it’s not my fault or when there is circumstances. It cannot be black or white. I don’t like being considered as a victim so I own my mistakes and deal with it. I also own a mistake when it’s not mine but the blame has been put on me. So… !
After all that, I was even more set to find another job so I pushed into full gear the job searching. I’m happy to report I am currently filling security forms to get clearance for my new job! When that clearance comes back clean, I’ll start my new job, it means January 2018. In the meantime, I’ll be unemployed but it’s all right, I’ll take the time to make homemade Christmas gifts and focus on my health. And I have insurance for that kind of stuff.
As for my health journey, well, I will focus on eating better and staying within range for calories. I’ve been on weight loss mode for so long now...I am tired. I don’t want to stop trying so I need to change my focus. My focus needs to be on getting healthier not thinner.
Thanks for sticking by!
Have a good week, peace xo