THAT number on the scale.
Thursday, November 23, 2017
56kg (124 pounds). That's my number at the moment.
I reach it, maybe drop a bit below it, then come back to it, then stay there for a while, then start going up.
That has been the pattern for quite a few months, now.
I reached this number this morning, and, last week. I decided not to monitor it last week because it was too much of a jump and i was convinced I'd weight more the next day, which I did. (I also only log my weight once a week). I saw the number on the scale yesterday, too, so as this is my logging in day, I know I need to write it down. But I don't want to.
This is my scary number. The one I've seen so many times that I don't trust it. It's the "barrier" to the lower numbers. And I just don't know if I will jump through it and never see it again, or not.
Things are little different this time. I'm reading the Beck pink book and it is strengthening my resolve. I have accepted that I am actually dieting, rather than seeing what will happen. I am tracking my calories and staying with in range most of the time (weekends are a bit of a problem, but the nice thing about tracking is you can see it and fix it. I am planning my meals beforehand and avoiding more and more unplanned snacks. The nice thing about Beck is that there become fewer and fewer excuses each week to over-eat). Plus I am remembering that I am actually able to resist the temptation to eat more, or indulge in unhealthy snacks. Like any muscle it needs exercising.
56kg is 2kg (4 pounds) away from my pre-baby weight, which I actually managed to achieve just before Christmas last year. Then I gained the 2kg back and then I gained another 2kg back. I don't want to do that this year, unless it is because I am pregnant again. As someone who has been in the maintenance group for five years, I am a little ashamed at the gains. I really wanted my journey back to goal weight after have a baby to be a smooth one.
So, I've logged the number, and next week it will be a different, lower number, or the same number. I'm not going up again. And I will celebrate the loss and that I haven't given up and just let those kilograms sit there. I can do this. Only 1kg before I'm in my "happy" maintenance range and 2kg before I'm at goal. I can do this.