saturday--the self confidence roller coaster
Saturday, November 11, 2017
good morning! well the barn roof is as done as it's going to be for this year. Wednesday I got up there and put sealer on the front side--at the end of that I was pretty much "done" crawling around, fighting the tree branches and trying not to slip. so rob got on the ladder and did the back side--with the extension pole he got almost to the peak. he doesn't like actually going onto the roof so he stays on the ladder. despite the chilly temps--when he checked it the next day it had formed a "skin" so it should continue to dry. it's oil based, so other than drying slowly, it should be okay.
took rosie and her cookies to the kitchen store yesterday for tasting--they were all good, but Phyllis rejected the bar cookie (tasted great but not real pretty and kind of messy to eat). so she is going to go ahead with the thumbprint cookies and the peppermint divinity. the thumbprints will lend themselves to filling with lots of different products--jams and jellies and spreads that we can sample out. and Phyllis showed us the TV commercial--it's really nice! she had two versions done--the visuals were the same for both, but the script was different. I liked the script for the open house the best. it was great to see all my friends on TV, and there were a few shots of me as well--and wonder of wonders--I didn't look FAT!!!! hooray!!!!! they are going to air on the Christmas country music awards and a couple other smaller cable channels.
and I had a sort of crisis of confidence yesterday. this last week I have been making bottles and for some reason torqueing the clay when I was pulling it. happened several times. occasionally you can remedy this, but for the most part I had to pull the clay off the wheel and start over. not happy about it but I took it in stride. then yesterday I realized I had 3 bowls to trim that were almost too dry. pieces that need to be trimmed have to be "cheese" hard--so you can flip them over on the wheel without damaging them, but the clay is still soft enough to cut with trim tools. the object has to be centered on the wheel and fixed down with lugs of clay so it stays still while you trim. my bowls have been better of late--the rim and the base were pretty well centered with relation to each other--but these bowls were not. so centering and trimming was tricky and didn't go real smoothly. the third bowl was too dry, and in the process of "lugging" it down to the wheelhead I cracked the rim. so I got the bowl ready for reclaim and went upstairs. awhile later this deep sense of failure crept over me. I can't explain it--just kind of came out of nowhere. I spent the rest of the evening in a funk, and am still in it now. it permeates a lot of how I feel about myself, life in general, the world, etc. this is nothing new--I know that these emotions come and go--and the only thing to do is wait them out. have a lot of work in the barn on the agenda, so I will stay busy and focused on something else, but I wish I could understand this process. I go through it all the time when I am learning something--the main thing is that it never destroys my determination to continue on, but it makes it hard for awhile. I think as my skill level improves my expectations go higher than my abilities are--and my standards go up (I am a true perfectionist) way higher than my capability. it's just part of the whole journey--but when the trajectory takes a dip, I just hate how it makes me feel. experience has also shown me that when I resume my rhythm it starts at a higher point than it stopped at, so I have to just be patient.
heard from kellie--she got the original artwork for her card and is very happy with it. so that's great. and rob is down another 2 pounds--another very happy thing. I wore some pants I could barely get into and they are perfectly comfortable now--so that's good too.
and dorijane's bloodwork came back--her kidney values were off for the second time in a row, so she is now on a kidney friendly food, and started soloxine because she has finally tested as truly hypothyroid. this is a very common condition in clumber spaniels, so I am actually surprised that it took this long to show up.
have a great weekend!