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My plate runneth over.

Wednesday, October 25, 2017

Checking in while I have access to a computer.

I am on day 14 of dealing with my mom in the hospital. She went in for pneumonia, it was discovered that she had a mass in her neck large enough that it constricted not only her ability to eat but also her ability to breathe. The following day it was decided to biopsy it, to remove enough to insert a tracheotomy tube. I have been in her hospital room 16 hours a day as she has gone through three biopsies, remove of most of the mass and learnign to deal with the tube. I have dealt with the ups and downs of them coming to me after the first biopsy to say that there was a 99.9 % chance that it was cancer. Guess whaat, it was a tumor but a very rare one, it is 25% removed, they can not remove the remainder as it affects her vocal cords. She has had the trach tube removed and is learnign to talk again. She is still in the hospital learning to talk agian, and trying to gain weight. She has lost 10# in five days and it isn't stopping. They had inserted a feeding tube, she pulled it out. Now it is Ensure. On a light side I told her that she weighs a fether and I can pick her up. She is at 100# where a month ago she was at 125...a healthy weight for her.
On top of that my grandson was taken to a different hospital three hours from my mom on Sunday by Medivac. He has high fevers aagain, screams from pain in his head and they now want to take him off the antibiotics for his bacterial meningitis to find the new cause. It could kill him, blind him, or cause other deficits that i don't even want to acknowledge.
All these set backs affect my ability to handle food. While sitting in a hopital for the first ten days i ate one meal a day or nothing. then when my mother improved I ate everything in sight. I know that it is going to be a difficult journey now as I am three hours from home attempting to care for my 84 year old stubborn mother. I will be her primary caregiver as she has refused to go to a skilled facility even temporarily. I am away from my home, my husband, my daughter and family. I am staying in a hoarder's home and trying to change that would kill her. Her emotional well-being overrides my feelings. I sleep on a couch and that is very uncomfortable, I am sleeping less than 4 hours a day by the time I leave the hospital, fix even one meal, do laundry, feed the animals, and even attempt to shut my mind off.
I acknowledge that I need to gain control, I need to function and find that inner strength to take care of myself which enables me to take care of others. Right now i am crashing and just needed to get this off my chest.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • DDHEART
    I'm so sorry and know how difficult this is but I am very glad that you took advantage of the "safe" place to vent as the most important thing for yourself is to be able to release some of the stress right now.
    We never know how strong we are until we make it through the challenges we are dealt. You ARE strong and you WILL make it through this. Hugs.
    1178 days ago
  • CARIOLA
    Bonnie, so sorry you are dealing with all of this. Try to be good to yourself. emoticon
    1181 days ago
  • LEEWORD
    So glad that you could vent a little here. You are being hit from both sides and have very little control over your life right now while you are still expected to be the caregiver. Ouch. We are praying for you and your loved ones. So glad your mom will be better and hoping for the best for your grandson.
    emoticon
    1181 days ago
  • JAVAFLOWER
    {HUG}
    1181 days ago
  • BE-THE-CHANGE
    Sending love and hugs.
    1181 days ago
  • GOLFGMA
    I will be praying that God will give you strength to deal with all this. So sorry you are having to go through troubling times. emoticon
    1181 days ago
  • DAWNWATERWOMAN
    Praying for you sweet Bonnie.
    1181 days ago
  • NEPTUNE1939
    emoticon
    1181 days ago
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