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The rebirth is happening

Monday, October 09, 2017

The past 14 months have been such a challenge for me. Many things have gone “wrong”, which really means things I planned didn’t happen and I had no control over anything that did happened. Actually, that’s always true; I only have control over the way I act and react to any given situation. Everything else is just happening.

I “coped” by disconnecting from almost everything (people I know, SparkPeople, exercise, self-control, and activities I enjoy). I indulged in a lot of stress eating. I consumed too much alcohol. I didn’t go for very many walks. I stopped doing yoga, I stopped reading, and I stopped being interested in life. I injured myself multiple times. I was injured by another person. I gained weight. I wasn’t dealing with anything, I just…existed. THAT’S THE TRUTH. It’s awful and I hate to admit it, but that is the truth.

This summer I had a foot injury that was very debilitating. I could barely walk and spent two weeks on “bed rest” with my foot propped up. I was in physical pain and I was stuck in the house for those two weeks with 8 weeks to full recovery. This was just the end of a terrible year where I stopped fighting for myself.

In August, I tried to get back to healthier eating habits. I didn’t lose any weight, but I stopped gaining…staying within a small range of my heaviest weight to date.

I’ve recently become friends with an optimistic person who has survived much more than I’ve ever experienced. This person keeps looking for the bright side of every situation. I feel ashamed of the way I’ve spent the last year. How could I just give up like that?

Now, I’m incorporating walking and yoga back into my days. I’m choosing better food (more vegetables and fruits, low fat protein options, much fewer processed carbs, and less alcohol). I’m contacting friends again. They have been happy to see me. I got to visit with a friend I haven’t seen since March. After our visit she sent me a message saying how good it was to see me and how happy I seemed. I really had a break through last week and the relief that flooded over me has been significant.

I haven’t been specifically trying to lose weight (just eat healthier), but my weight is down, as is the body fat percentage. I’ve been engaging in activities that I enjoy for the last month and I believe that helps too. I don’t have anything figured out, but I feel so much better now. Engaging in life can have that affect.

Every day in every way I get better and better. (An old mantra my mother used when she was going through a difficult break with my abusive father)

Here I go…
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