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Coming Out of the Fog

Thursday, October 05, 2017

Six months ago my DH passed away. While I knew he was extremely ill and wouldn't have long to live, I was shocked when it happened. I didn't recon his BEING SO GONE!!!

I look back now, and can see where I was walking and living in a kind of fog. I don't remember much at all about the first 3 months, and the last 3 are a tiny bit more clear.

For example: I have to learn how to leave my driveway and not worry about getting back rapidly. I can stay gone for as long as I want. That is very strange and new to me.

I knew how to do WE, but have to learn how to do ME.

I still don't do well with cooking food for myself. I mainly make easy to do stuff my meals. Like Raisin Bran, cut up fruits with vanilla yogurt and walnuts, and chocolaty nut filled nutrition bars.

I DO cook for Benny, though. He gets brown rice, chicken, yams, carrots and some fruit all cooked together. He loves his "LUNCH!"

So this week I have turned yet another corner. I got back with my spark team, Spirited Underdogs (the very BEST team in the universe) and have tracked for two days in a row. I did my yoga stretches, wall pushups, stair machine, walking with Benny, got some cleaning done, and I am ready for the rest of the day.

My body is reacting to the stretching and wall push ups. I am OUT OF CONDITION!!! That has to stop, and STOP NOW! It is time for me to pay attention.

Even though I was absent from my team during a lot of DH's illness, and after he passed I didn't do much with Spark. Sometimes I would read what was going on, and make a feeble attempt to participate. I was not consistent at all.

But my Sparkies never abandoned me. I would hear from them regularly, and cannot begin to tell you how good that felt. I could feel their love and support, and some days their love was all I needed to get the next thing done.

It is time for me to get out of my cave and rejoin the rest of the world.

I am starting that by being an active, daily participant of the DAWGS. That is where my strength to keep going begins.

So if you, like me, have been "kinda-sorta" with team participation, how about making an oath to change that......beginning TODAY.

As it says: There's no time like the Present. And each day is a Present. Open Carefully!!

If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door!!! (Milton Berle)
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Sandy, I can not believe I lost touch with you for so long and did not know you lost your DH and about your DD. My thoughts and prayers for you and your family.
    If we were on the same team we would know what's going on, but I am only daily and actively participating on one team, the 50+ Maintainers.
    Hope you continue to heal and thrive.
    384 days ago
    Sandy, I'm just now getting around to reading your post.

    Yes, you were in a fog, but it was a protective fog to help you manage what was happening around you. Just as you wore a life jacket until you were able to swim, the fog was there to protect you while you learned to manage the "new reality". Now you have the skills, so you no longer need "the crutch(fog)".

    I'm so happy you are moving on and feel you have the strength and energy to chart a new course, sail for the stars, look for new horizons, embrace each new adventure.

    Sandy, you are an inspiring person and I'm glad that SparkPeople allowed me to meet you.

    566 days ago
    Sandie we are so glad to have you back.You have been missed.It takes a while to establish a new normal.I am glad you have Benny hugs,Cheri
    566 days ago
    This is such an inspiring post. I'm so glad that you are feeling like you have your mojo back! I'm sure your emotions will continue to vacillate, but you are really charging on. Sending you blessings for continued personal triumphs!
    566 days ago
  • BERRY4
    emoticon Definitely glad to hear you are figuring out your "new" norm. It is such a process when such an overwhelming loss/change has occurred. But, I have looked at it as a beginning to "weave" around the edges of the gaping hole, left by your loved one. The hole will always be there, but slowly, with time, the edges can be woven together, along with the new weavings you will add to the tapestry that is YOU.
    566 days ago
    emoticon It's hard losing a loved one, no matter how well a person feels they are prepared beforehand. After six years, there are still times that I want to pick up the phone and call my Mom. I feel that it will always be like that.

    On a lighter note, maybe you could share Benny's lunch (before you add the fruit) and eat your portion of the fruit for dessert... His meal sounds like it would be nutritionally good for humans, too.

    emoticon It will be quite a while yet before you establish a new "normal", but don't let it get you down. Just like we learn on Spark, baby steps work. Keep working at doing "me" things, it WILL get easier.

    566 days ago
  • DEBBY4576
    Sandy, it's so wonderful to hear you are muddling thru the fog. I think it's God's way of helping the pain....you are one tough gal!!! Enjoy the Challenge. If you have days you just can't do it, well, that's okay too. emoticon
    567 days ago
    glad to hear you're finding YOU again, bit by bit.
    567 days ago
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