I Can Remember a Time.....

....when I blogged on a daily basis, sometimes twice a day. It was a great catharsis for me to blab out loud here and I did it for years. I stopped blabbing.

I stopped tracking, too.

I stopped exercising daily.

Picked up bad habits again.

Landed myself in a mooshy achy place.

I'm 7 years older than I was when I hit my lowest weight ever and I can really feel them 7 years....hot flashes cometh.

Oh yes. They are real. Ba$tards.

I have a very different lifestyle than the last time I was active on Spark as well. I got married in June and moved 2,500 miles away from my old stomping grounds to southern Arizona. I am a household engineer and step mother [GASP!] to a manchild who plays varsity football. I do a lot of driving and spend a lot of time at home and at the high school.

But let me reiterate: I spend a lot of time at home. I have exercise equipment and I have no excuse not to be using it on a daily basis. It's almost like a mental block.

Seriously.

But I know that the hardest step is usually the first one. Getting started [again, groan] is never easy and the only excuse I have now will be that I'm just motivationally challenged, and that absolutely will not do.


So. I have begun again. I have reinstalled the SparkPeople tracker in my phone and I'm logging food and fitness. I'm tired all the time and I'm soft all over. I don't want to be the mooshy middle aged woman. I want to be fit and strong again.


I want to feel good again.

On a more personal note... my daughter and I are friends again, which pleases me greatly!

She and I have been working on our relationship since October of 2016. We hadn't spoken in a year, and the tragic untimely passing of a beloved friends son prompted me to call my girl... life is too short to hold grudges. So now we are friends again. Not the same as before, but we are friends again.

My mother passed away September 2nd. She and I had been estranged for seven years, we never had a good relationship. But the news of her death and her needless suffering has hit me hard. We had a very tumultuous relationship that ended horribly, although had I known she was so ill I would have dropped everything, as I did when my father was ill, to tend to her. But I never got that opportunity. This is a very different grief, more of a ... mourning for something that never was than bereft at the passed. I have been terribly conflicted but....it's done. She's gone. I know she's at peace now. Of this I am certain.

In all, life is good. I have no major complaints other than I am at a weight I never wanted to see again. I am grateful and happy and healthy.

Just pudgey.