60,000-79,999 SparkPoints 61,928

I Can Remember a Time.....

Tuesday, September 19, 2017

....when I blogged on a daily basis, sometimes twice a day. It was a great catharsis for me to blab out loud here and I did it for years. I stopped blabbing.
I stopped tracking, too.
I stopped exercising daily.
Picked up bad habits again.
Landed myself in a mooshy achy place.
I'm 7 years older than I was when I hit my lowest weight ever and I can really feel them 7 flashes cometh.
Oh yes. They are real. Ba$tards.

I have a very different lifestyle than the last time I was active on Spark as well. I got married in June and moved 2,500 miles away from my old stomping grounds to southern Arizona. I am a household engineer and step mother [GASP!] to a manchild who plays varsity football. I do a lot of driving and spend a lot of time at home and at the high school.

But let me reiterate: I spend a lot of time at home. I have exercise equipment and I have no excuse not to be using it on a daily basis. It's almost like a mental block.


But I know that the hardest step is usually the first one. Getting started [again, groan] is never easy and the only excuse I have now will be that I'm just motivationally challenged, and that absolutely will not do.

So. I have begun again. I have reinstalled the SparkPeople tracker in my phone and I'm logging food and fitness. I'm tired all the time and I'm soft all over. I don't want to be the mooshy middle aged woman. I want to be fit and strong again.

I want to feel good again.

On a more personal note... my daughter and I are friends again, which pleases me greatly!
She and I have been working on our relationship since October of 2016. We hadn't spoken in a year, and the tragic untimely passing of a beloved friends son prompted me to call my girl... life is too short to hold grudges. So now we are friends again. Not the same as before, but we are friends again.

My mother passed away September 2nd. She and I had been estranged for seven years, we never had a good relationship. But the news of her death and her needless suffering has hit me hard. We had a very tumultuous relationship that ended horribly, although had I known she was so ill I would have dropped everything, as I did when my father was ill, to tend to her. But I never got that opportunity. This is a very different grief, more of a ... mourning for something that never was than bereft at the passed. I have been terribly conflicted's done. She's gone. I know she's at peace now. Of this I am certain.
In all, life is good. I have no major complaints other than I am at a weight I never wanted to see again. I am grateful and happy and healthy.

Just pudgey.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    YOU ARE BACK!!! Congrats on your marriage and patching things up with your daughter. I know that was something that was weighing on your mind. You 2 were 2 peas in a pod. I remember all the issues you had with your mom -- sorry to hear of her passing and your grieving process.

    Back to the Spark Mrs! I am back too. When life and work gets in the way, something has to give and for me that is proper planning of meals. We starts ordering something to bring home or pick something on our way to meetings. It has to stop. I am almost 12 lbs down since last Monday.

    We CAN and will do this!

    1279 days ago
  • no profile photo CD13354694
    Congratulations on your marriage!!! Great to hear that you and your daughter have a good relationship again!!
    Sorry to hear about your mom :(


    1302 days ago
    Pull up your big girl panties and get on with it. Get back to that place where you feel strong, healthy, and confident!!! Come on...take that first step, do that first workout. Put one foot in front of the other and do it!! emoticon
    1302 days ago
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