Friday, September 01, 2017
good morning--well on his weigh in, rob was down another two pounds! very pleased for him. I am still not using the scale, but the mirror is telling me I am getting smaller, and my clothes are confirming it. interestingly, I have reached a place that I have encountered many times before--a strange anxiety that I am not loosing but gaining weight. its a weird phenomenon, in the past it has actually brought on panic episodes. for some reason my mind becomes convinced that my weight loss has reversed and it feels very real to me on some level. even though I can have concrete evidence to the contrary, the feeling is still there. we have been doing atkins for about 2 months now--and I don't know if this is something that kicks in at a certain time, or when my body reaches a certain appearance. but something triggers it. it's a set of emotions I am very familiar with, and quite proficient at cultivating. but now I have a certain distance that is letting me see the pattern and that helps me to understand I don't have to buy into it. I have never kept going past this pattern, and this time I want to work my way through it and come out the other side to see what's there. it's a way of looking at it I have never done before. I suspect that this set of emotions is so strong in me, and I practice them so much that even though the excitement of starting and working through atkins superceded them for awhile, that was only temporary because they were never gone--only buried for a time. now atkins has become more routine, so these emotions have found their way back to the surface. my plan now is to work on my anxiety hypnotherapy, and use my new one for motivation, and EXAMINE these emotions and find a way to transform them into something useful and positive. time to get my journal out--there's nothing like writing your thoughts down in longhand to help you see what's really going on.
have a great Friday!