On young men and death

Saturday, July 29, 2017

We read in the news tonight that our favorite waiter in our favorite restaurant turned himself in at a police station this week and confessed to murder. The night of the crime, we were sitting in said restaurant, enjoying our favorite dishes. The story is ... unbelievable. But there he is, shackled and in orange, in the court video, and there's his boss, the restaurant manager, in the back. Such a polite, cheerful, earnest young man, and now likely facing either life in prison or the end of life as punishment. A shocking reminder that appearances can be deceiving, and that sometimes there is unimaginable turmoil behind a calm exterior.

We were already reeling a bit tonight because our college kid learned that an old music buddy died a few days ago - a car turned in front of his motorcycle and he had no chance. So our kid went to the viewing tonight with a couple of other friends. He spoke to the mother for a long while. It was an open casket. And I sat at home worrying about him, and also feeling oddly proud. It's a very adult, respectful, and difficult thing our kid decided to do. He hadn't seen his music buddy since before college, but they played music together on weekends for years when they were young. He came home late - he and his friends hung out after the viewing to share old stories - and told us about his night. It's 3:30 am now and he's downstairs playing the piano; music is soothing for him and I think is also helping him remember his late buddy. Twenty is young to have a friend die. I'm glad it's the weekend so we can spend some family time together. I'll fight all my instincts not to hover, but I don't think I'm going to be able to resist pampering.
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  • FITNIK2020
    Life, strange and complex. How dies someone get to that point. And the fellow on the motorcycle... kind of murder too. Im sure that driver thinks that way. Here we drive with bikes snd cycles . They often ignore the rules, lights,stopsigns.
    1343 days ago
    What a shock to find out that someone you knew had turned himself in for murder. The fact that he turned himself in, though, adds complexity. It's a sad turn of events, and I'm imagining it will take some time for you to feel normal again at that restaurant.

    And I'm so sorry to hear of your son's loss of his music friend. I agree with you that his response was very grown-up and something for you to be proud of. It takes courage, even later in life, to present yourself at viewings and funerals, because it's often so hard to find the right things to say and to maintain control over your own feelings. Good for him. At only twenty, he has a lot of poise and compassion.
    1353 days ago
    1356 days ago
    So sorry for your loss
    1356 days ago
    Life can be so short.
    1356 days ago
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