ADARKARA
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Forgive Me

Wednesday, July 19, 2017

I'm not here as much as I'd like. I log my food (or some of it anyway) every day, and I read blogs, but I'm not present. I forget to post my things for the Rowdy Rebels before I pass out on the couch. I don't leave inspiring comments to help you all along on your journey.

The truth is, I'm failing at everything. I'm exhausted, physically and emotionally. The next 8 months are going to be so difficult for me. I'm just trying to survive the emotional rollercoaster I'm on. My marriage is no longer a relationship that is healthy for me. It causes me undue stress. I'm stuck in limbo right now, and right now I'm just taking it day to day. My eating is suffering. I'll have a perfect day, then I'll have two or three days where the emotions just eat me up and I lose all control.

I find myself really missing people I've met on here but no longer have contact with. If you're reading this (which I doubt but it never hurts to hope I guess), you know who you are and I miss you.

Anyway, to the rest of you, I haven't given up yet. I'm still a fighter. So please forgive me and be patient with me.

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • FINDINGMYFIRE
    Hold on tight girly girl. Don't be like me. I thought I could make the comeback, but each month away made it so much harder. I'm such an emotional eater too. I get it. You are making so many hard changes in your life. That's when it's time to double down and fight for you. As you know, the hard choices aren't always about weight. I am thrilled to see you still here. You are such an inspiration to me.

    Hugs!

    (formerly daughteroftwin)
    407 days ago
  • ADVENTURESEEKER
    I know not what you are going through so I just send a hug across the internets.
    448 days ago
  • LADYFROMTHEWOOD
    You owe no one else anything, no inspirational quotes nor support, especially during this phase of your life in which you feel like you are doing well to tread water. You take care of you. It will all look different a year from now. Keep moving forward with your plans and don't get mired in the quicksand of the relationship as it stands right now. It's ok to check out of SP as long as you keep taking care of yourself with healthy foods and movement. Dream big, and force yourself to move toward that dream every day - no one else can do it for you. You got this. I believe in you.
    hugs and high-fives, Teresa
    468 days ago
  • HASHI_QUEEN
    I hear you...it has been a difficult year for me too and I am feeling quite like a hermit these days

    You will come out much stronger after all of this is all done
    473 days ago
  • ZEN_YOGI
    emoticon
    476 days ago
  • BONNIEMCC488
    emoticon Sorry you're still struggling. We're here for you when you are posting and thinking of you when you're not. I hope that things resolve themselves somehow for you soon.
    476 days ago
  • NEELIXNKES
    emoticon I'm sorry this is a rough time for you. Hang in there and take care of you.
    479 days ago
  • BEESHELL8
    HI Andrea, I'm not here as much as I'd like either. I think about you and am keeping you in my thoughts. You're doing hard things. Don't carry guilt along with everything else! Hugs.
    480 days ago
  • JEANKNEE
    Hang in there! One day at a time. Take care of you!
    480 days ago
  • BBEAGAN
    Hang in there. You have made some solid changes in your life that will help you through, like your love of kettle bells and other exercise.
    481 days ago
  • BLUEJAY1969
    I'm here! I'll still be here when you are able to blog! Life gets the better of us at times! emoticon
    481 days ago
  • KELLIEBEAN
    It's going to be a difficult road.

    I barely remember the days during my divorce, I was in such a fog of stress. You need to do what needs to be done to take care of yourself... physically and emotionally. We'll all be here when you have time.

    emoticon
    481 days ago
  • SMILINGEYES2
    Hang in there. At least you have some days hanging in there.
    481 days ago
  • ANNIE1114
    Your ups and down at this point in your life are very understandable. One day at a time and you will get though it.
    481 days ago
  • no profile photo MISTY_MOUNTAINS
    I'm not going anywhere! Things take time, we are here for support. You give so much hope, it's your turn to take some from us now.
    481 days ago
  • JAMIRBLAZE
    emoticon

    That's the beauty of Spark - it'll be (and the community) here. Take you time and work on what you can work on.
    481 days ago
  • LIVEDAILY
    I don't think you need to be forgiven. You're going through a rough patch. We've all been there and done that, some of us multiple times!! We are here for you, through thick and thin!! One bit of advice: don't focus on the long distance (the 8 months). Focus on making each day the absolute best possible day you can have! And give that puppy some love!!
    emoticon
    482 days ago
  • ZORO22
    Try to find a few minutes each day when you can be alone, get quiet, and ask your higher self, guides, angels, god(s), whatever you believe in, to give you strength and guidance. Then just do what you can.You don't have to be everything to everyone!
    482 days ago
  • BILLIEK17
    You know, friendship and concern and affection is not dependent on someone being up an positive all of the time. It's about be honest all the time. I'm glad you blogged about what you are going through because those of us who struggle right along with you are not perfect either (and it's helpful in some ways to see others aren't either). So thank you for logging in today and sharing what you are going through. I'm so sorry you are suffering. I've been through divorce and it's rough (even when it's your choice). As for the food stuff.....I hear ya and I'm dealing with similar issues. Just know people care about you always....not just on the good days. xoxo
    482 days ago
  • CLEAN18
    Of course you are 'forgiven'. You are just missed. Sounds as though you need to forgive yourself though. Having a set back is not failure, it's life. Knowing that a relationship is no longer healthy, isn't failure, it's enlightenment. Difficult times push us out of our comfort zone and make us question ourselves. From what you've shared (through blogs) you are being extremely thoughtful in what is good for you. Doing that, may be the challenge that offers you your biggest opportunity for growth.

    "The pain you feel today is the strength you feel tomorrow. For every challenge encountered, there is opportunity for growth."—Unknown


    482 days ago
  • HMBROWN1
    We all understand. You need to take care of you first. I hope you have some better days soon. Hugs and best wishes!
    482 days ago
  • SLINKYREDDRESS
    We still love you. We miss you, and there's nothing to forgive. Everyone goes through difficult times. We're your friends in good times and in those that aren't so good. Hang in there. There are good things in your future. It might not feel like it now, but difficulties make us stronger.

    emoticon
    482 days ago
  • VALYNN26
    I understand. Hang in there. It will get better. emoticon
    482 days ago
  • BJK1961
    It's always do difficult to face things head-on. Keep your chin up, make the hard decisions, and move forward! I'm pulling for you!
    482 days ago
  • no profile photo COEURAIMANT
    You are NOT a failure by any measure. You are putting one foot in front of the other and some days that is enough. emoticon
    482 days ago
  • 1CRAZYDOG
    HUGS and don't give up.
    482 days ago
  • BJAEGER307
    Sorry you're going though some tough times. Know that we are here for you. Life isn't a bowl of cherries is it? As for your relationship, just knowing that it isn't healthy for you is the first step. I don't know if you are doing anything about it, but I would proceed on whatever it takes to right this wrong for you. You deserve it. Remember that you deserve to be happy no matter what.

    Keep on your journey to staying healthy. emoticon
    482 days ago
  • CFODEL
    You are NOT a failure at being a Rowdy Rebel!! I read many blogs that I have nothing "worthy" to leave a comment about. Unhealthy relationships are hard to be in, and hard to get out of you. Find some great support (a counselor, a friend) and work through it one decision at a time. Remember to look in the mirror and love the person you see -- even if no one else does. When you love yourself, the rest will come with time.

    Please reach out if we can do anything to help!! emoticon emoticon
    482 days ago
  • BEACHCOMBER16
    emoticon
    482 days ago
  • MERIWYLE
    Eh, it happens. You'll pull through.
    482 days ago
  • KKRAVIG1975
    Tis life. We all go through struggles. At least you are still logging in and tracking. Hope your days get better. emoticon
    482 days ago
  • KIMBER2245
    Hang in there. As my mom says - This to shall pass. Keep your head up and look for the good, it'll help you through the bad.
    482 days ago
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