Part 2 - Be where you are... AND MOVE .... ON!
Thursday, July 13, 2017
Be a light. For your self. For your selves.
Be a light. Shine bright.
"This little light of mine.... I'm gonna... Let it shine"
This song from so long ago... somehow DID indeed penetrate all of who I am and I have lived by it. . . . except for the dark body shadow weight of the Alice-in-Wonderland cake elixer cake elixer . . .
I've worn the same clothing and sizes for 5 years!
Read that again.
That's astonishing after the 54 years prior.
It's my birthday in two weeks. I'll be 59 y.0.
I weighed 164.5 yesterday after a vacation traveling and drinking.
(See... how that goes. This is who I am today... This is what I weigh!?).
**I weighed 161.5 the week before. And I'm feeling bad-thwarted-disappointeed- but not yet back in the saddle to get it down pre-vacation and then further. **
I have a goal -- that I care about a lot -- (does it define me? I hope not, but it might)
A goal to weigh in the 140's -- to get below 150. "150 is the new wonderland"
I have other goals.
For most of my life these fell below the bottom line of the weight goal. And the "bottom line" often obscured the pages and pages of (maybe?) other tastes, wishes, ideas, inspirations, goals.
I read a fb post of Ann Lamott this morning. She is celebrating 31 years of sobriety this week... plus 'recovery' from eating disorders, "an addiction to people-pleasing and the potential of others" That riveted me.
Addicted to the potential of others.
I see myself in that.
Backstage girl... with weight loss goals?
DON"T LOOK BACKWARDS!!!
YOU"RE NOT GOING THAT WAY!!!
F. NOW is the Time. (Enough time spent in therapy and reflection)
NOW IS THE TIME
To be PRESENT
And FIND A PATH
Be the Journey
My aunt Ina in Philadelphia recommended a book called "The Unknown Woman" which I identified myself with nearly instantly. And later that day... I accidentally spilled a water bottle in the bag they shared... Now the book is saturated, bloated, expanded... and drying out.
I can still read it. HAHAHAH I'm trying not to read symbolism into this.
I'm off to Pilates now.
The ongoing education of bettering the way I move in this body.
Yes, rectifying years of weird-ass kinetics from the up and down tween 299-145-175-250-150-225- .... Spark brought me to 160's. 150s for a few months 5 years ago.
more desire and effort toward ideas (with or without products/outcome)
I love collaboration
I love project sharing with others
I'm hungry for connection
And I'm hungry for KNOWING THAT I'm OKAY
I love my time alone
I want to love myself
Trust myself more
Make fewer jokes at my own expense
I want to stop being goofy, making ironic faces to be funny instead of ...
I want to learn how to Take A Photo
How to smile for the camera
How to be beautiful.
Not because I want a photo of myself.
But because I want to feel more often that I LIKE MYSELF
and I can do better... or more... or....
There's something that tugs at me
About the way I am manifesting.
Not the under 150 agenda .... but perhaps they are related?
BE WHERE YOU ARE
MOVE IN EACH MOMENT
Embody Your Own Ethics and Choices
Know Your Self