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What a Crazy Surprise - Day 49 of the Diva's Re-Spark

Thursday, July 13, 2017

I've been going through a lot. I've been very stressed and very sad. On top of bi-polar, I'm dealing with intense roommate issues. We argue constantly and there's so much anger/resentment going on between us for various reasons. Despite it all, I have no choice but to remain due to finances and credit issues. I'm doing all that I can to increase my credit and to save money. While I build myself up, I'm starting to make my room more habitable for me and my cat Reno. I'm cleaning intensely, organizing and purchasing items to keep all of my possessions in a neat and orderly fashion. If I am to remain in the apartment, my bedroom must be an oasis and a retreat for me. I've made huge strides to do this and I must say, it's refreshing to walk into my room now and it does make me very happy. My room is tastefully decorated and doesn't give off the image of clutter as it used to. I've donated clothes I no longer wear, am recycling items that I can and packed away items I won't be needed until the "winter" months. Each and every day, I try to improve my space and set 1 goal an evening to complete before going to bed. It's empowering.

I've noticed that my bi-polar brings with it either a couple of days of increased appetite and also days of non at all. This totally explains my weight loss which isn't my intention. When I do eat, I try to eat well and don't put any expectations on myself by any means. Honestly, I'm not really focused on it which I think may be helping me. I realize this doesn't work for everyone, but I just don't have the mental energy to obsess the way I used to about what I eat, how much I eat and how many calories I'm consuming. I'm just trying to drink a ton of water, eat more fruit/veggies and keep moving as much as I can. I'm getting to bed earlier (thanks to not being in a show right now). I'm surrounding myself with more positive people that I love. I'm relaxing a lot more. It's pretty nice for me right now. I haven't taken a break from the theatre in a very long time, so this is a true treat for me.

I'm proud that I managed to get below 280lbs. I haven't been below it for YEARS. I'm on the right track, just have to keep going and do the best I can. That's all I can do.
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