July 1, 2017 – 5% Challenge
Saturday, July 01, 2017
July 1, 2017 – 5% Challenge
Today is the start of new month and the 5% summer challenge. The beginning of a new month and the end of the saddest month in my life.
June 7 was the happiest person just finished school for the summer and had so many plans. I was going to Puerto Rico to see my two uncles (on my mom’s side) that are not doing well. One has been battling cancer for two years and the other one has Parkinson along with other ailments. Then there is mom who has been in a nursing home for the past 6 ½ years but is as well as can be all things considering. Since mom is doing ok I decide to go see my uncles in first thing because during the last week of June we are also driving my oldest son to Delaware where he will start his new job. So lots of things planned for June. I knew it would be a fast month but not what I expected at all.
I get a call the next day I arrived in PR from mom’s doctor to say she has an infection and that her lungs are full of fluid. I am on the phone all day getting my sister involved and they assure me that things are ok and not to worry. Well easier said than done. I go across the island to visit my one uncle and something told me to go back to San Juan area that same night. So next day I go to see my other uncle and spend some quality time with both of them. Meanwhile, back home my sister, doctors and I all decide to place mom on Hospice because taking her to the hospital would mean lots of test that she did not need. However, I am still been told everything is under control. Sunday morning got up went to church and called my sister in Florida. She then breaks down and tell me that mom has taken a turn for the worse. My worst nightmare is coming true. Something will happen and I am not with her. I who have spent 7 years taking caring of her. I who is there every weekend and weekdays with her. It can’t be true.
I call my husband to get me the next flight out of PR and luckily enough I was back home by 7pm that night. Mom was still alive and I was with her. The scenario that I found was so heartbreaking. My siblings started to come in from out of town and we knew it was bad. I did not leave her bedside from that moment on. On Wednesday, June 14 at 2:10am, mom left us and got her wings.
The next week went by in such a blur of things happening; funeral arrangements had already been made but there are still things to do. We had a viewing, mass and then she was to be cremated (as was her desire). Family and friends all gathered at my house and everything as beautiful as mom would have wanted. As sad as it seems life goes on and on the following Wednesday I was driving from Florida up to Georgia to pick up my son and help him drive to Delaware. This took my mind off of things a bit but unfortunately I also got a speeding ticket to add to insult to injury. Did I deserve it sure, why not, I was speeding and not thinking. Ok that’s life. I flew back home on Friday and this last week of June has been so hard.
Still dealing with mom’s things. Just got her ashes and now we need to take her to her finally resting place back to her home in Puerto Rico next to dad. So I am dealing with so many emotions that I hope being on the challenge will distract me a bit.
Please don’t hold it against me if my heart is not completely here but I need to do something for a few minutes a day to get myself back. I understand that mom is in a better place and that she is not suffering anymore but I can’t but miss her with all my heart.
Thank you all for letting me pour my heart out. I feel that the pain is so unbearable. Thank you all for your kind words and for being there for me.