1BEARWIFE
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Carpe Diem

Wednesday, June 14, 2017

I used to be very socially active, and had a full life with lots of smiles and happiness.

Then DH became very seriously ill, and I wound up being his care taker.

That put the kabosh on my social life. For 2 1/2 years I rarely got out among friends, and because of his severe illnesses, friends started staying away for the most part. There were a few who stayed with me, but over all, it was pretty lonely.

I knew DH was dying, and knew that would be merciful for him. I was all prepared for his death. I had been attending a Care Giver's Support Group all during the time he was ill, and that helped me immeasurably to accept what was happening.

What I DIDN'T know was that he would be gone. So very, very GONE.

For the first foggy month, I was in a daze, mainly walking in circles and cleaning out his STASH. That kept me going.

Then I went to Massachusetts for GD's college graduation and Mother's Day. I was there 10 days........9 days too long. But I got through it. I had also seriously injured myself while cleaning the garage, so couldn't move or walk around much at all. Mainly sitting in DD's living room and doing Brazilian embroidery.

Came home and still couldn't be on my foot or leg much, so started doing chair workouts and watching TV.......mainly Red Sox baseball. Sometimes I ate, most of the time I did not eat. I simply was not hungry or motivated to cook something for myself.

Interestingly, I did not lose weight. Just stayed the same for the first two months.

Today I awoke with a determination to stop hibernating, and before I knew it, i was on my way to quilt club.

It was good to be around the creative women again, and there was one "newbie" who really needed to talk with me. That was very good for me, too.

After that, I went to a noon meeting, which seemed taylor made just for me.

Got home and did some weed eating for 90 minutes until the batteries in the weed eater gave out.

Then came in and decided to let you all know what has been happening in my world.

I used to be very big on Carpe Diem (seize the day), and I accomplished a whole lot. But these past several years took a lot of joy out of my life, and I was restricted to what had to be done, and not what I wanted to be done.

That was okay with me. DH came first, and it was my honor to care for him. After all, I had the best of Ted for the first 25 years of our marriage, and now was HIS turn to get the best from ME.

We had 32 years together, and I would love to have just one more day with him but that is not to be.

I can choose to grieve for the rest of my life, or I can honor and cherish all those good memories by getting "out there" and building my next life.

I must continue to Carpe Diem, and I am determined to do so. Life is lonely, but there are others out there who have suffered the loss I have who have learned to build a new life. I can do that, too. It will take being stead fast and willingness.

I can do this. emoticon

P.S. I have lost more weight this month. I credit that to changing my attitude and disciplining myself. emoticon
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • LKWQUILTER
    Yes we can do it. 🙏🙏❤️❤️
    444 days ago
  • DONNYE2008
    Today I had an impulse to begin reading your blogs again, after a long absence. This past Easter, April 16, my husband of 52 years died. Although he had been ill for a while, it resonated with me--your statement
    that he's really "so very, very GONE." Although I am distracted by interminable paperwork, and have attended my granddaughter's graduation, there are days that seem so empty without him. Your blogs have reminded me that I'm not alone and there are people dealing with grief and a new life. Thank you for your posts and best wishes for your future joy and peace.
    487 days ago
  • LESLIESENIOR
    I love the way you are acknowledging all of the stages you are facing each hour, day, and month. It is a long process, which started long before Ted's passing. You have been so courageous. I am here cheering you on as you venture back out into the world. Big hug!
    494 days ago
  • CHERIRIDDELL
    You are an amazing person and I feel sure you will carpe Diem!
    495 days ago
  • MNABOY
    You are correct and you worked your way to the answer. You will succeed.
    495 days ago
  • TOWHEE
    Sandy, the other day I was thinking of you and wondering if you were still doing your quilts for teens with cancer. I'm sure it took a sideline to Ted's needs.
    Know that the Spark community was and is with you. We may not know you face to face, but we know you and wish you well and always send our positive thoughts your way.
    emoticon
    495 days ago
  • 14JESUSGIRL
    Oh my! I am so sorry for your loss. I can only imagine how hard it must be. I haven't lost my spouse, but it was so hard when my father and then nine years later my mother died. I felt like an orphan. I can feel your pain and your loneliness. Yes, dear one, seize the day. I'm sure that it's not as easy as it sounds, but even making the effort will put more joy in your life, especially if you reach out to others who are hurting as well. I love that you make quilts for children. You must be such a blessing to them.
    My sincerest prayers are with you.
    Lee
    emoticon
    495 days ago
  • BERRY4
    emoticon You are so very right.

    When I focus on myself, it is often not a "pretty picture". Perspective is often found by looking out & around and realizing that others ARE dealing with different, difficult things. -- Just saying. It was what it took for me to get out of the hole that I dug after walking through grief of 9 loved ones in 18 months. I had to remember to BREATHE...

    Take each day for what it is!
    emoticon
    495 days ago
  • 1CRAZYDOG
    ((((HUGS)))) It is so hard to "move on", but that's absolutely the right thing to do and proud of you for sure.
    495 days ago
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