I used to be very socially active, and had a full life with lots of smiles and happiness.
Then DH became very seriously ill, and I wound up being his care taker.
That put the kabosh on my social life. For 2 1/2 years I rarely got out among friends, and because of his severe illnesses, friends started staying away for the most part. There were a few who stayed with me, but over all, it was pretty lonely.
I knew DH was dying, and knew that would be merciful for him. I was all prepared for his death. I had been attending a Care Giver's Support Group all during the time he was ill, and that helped me immeasurably to accept what was happening.
What I DIDN'T know was that he would be gone. So very, very GONE.
For the first foggy month, I was in a daze, mainly walking in circles and cleaning out his STASH. That kept me going.
Then I went to Massachusetts for GD's college graduation and Mother's Day. I was there 10 days........9 days too long. But I got through it. I had also seriously injured myself while cleaning the garage, so couldn't move or walk around much at all. Mainly sitting in DD's living room and doing Brazilian embroidery.
Came home and still couldn't be on my foot or leg much, so started doing chair workouts and watching TV.......mainly Red Sox baseball. Sometimes I ate, most of the time I did not eat. I simply was not hungry or motivated to cook something for myself.
Interestingly, I did not lose weight. Just stayed the same for the first two months.
Today I awoke with a determination to stop hibernating, and before I knew it, i was on my way to quilt club.
It was good to be around the creative women again, and there was one "newbie" who really needed to talk with me. That was very good for me, too.
After that, I went to a noon meeting, which seemed taylor made just for me.
Got home and did some weed eating for 90 minutes until the batteries in the weed eater gave out.
Then came in and decided to let you all know what has been happening in my world.
I used to be very big on Carpe Diem (seize the day), and I accomplished a whole lot. But these past several years took a lot of joy out of my life, and I was restricted to what had to be done, and not what I wanted to be done.
That was okay with me. DH came first, and it was my honor to care for him. After all, I had the best of Ted for the first 25 years of our marriage, and now was HIS turn to get the best from ME.
We had 32 years together, and I would love to have just one more day with him but that is not to be.
I can choose to grieve for the rest of my life, or I can honor and cherish all those good memories by getting "out there" and building my next life.
I must continue to Carpe Diem, and I am determined to do so. Life is lonely, but there are others out there who have suffered the loss I have who have learned to build a new life. I can do that, too. It will take being stead fast and willingness.
I can do this.
P.S. I have lost more weight this month. I credit that to changing my attitude and disciplining myself.