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Memory Lane

Tuesday, May 23, 2017

Yesterday, I shared that I'm officially (by 0.2 pounds, but whatever) the smallest I've ever been. I was trying to think back to when I might have been this size growing up and my best guess is somewhere around 5th grade. That seems crazy, doesn't it?

I was always a chubby kid and just got bigger and bigger over the years, but there are a few points that stick out where I remember specific outfits. (For reference, I'm currently wearing a pretty solid 12 petite.)

Age 11. I wore a size 12 dress to my sister's wedding. I remember my grandmother making a comment about the dress looking nice and my mom saying it was a size 12 from the women's department because I'd 'outgrown' kids clothes. Which was really just a euphemism for being too fat for kids clothes. I remember being proud that I got to shop with the grown-ups.

Age 13. I wore a size 14 dress to my 8th grade dance. It was this utterly ridiculous poofy sleeved purple ruffled thing that I probably should have been completely embarrassed by, but at the time I thought it was the prettiest, coolest dress EVERRRRR. I remember the sales lady saying "you're a size 14 and you're 13 years old? You're gonna be a big girl!" At the time I really don't recall having body issues, but I remember that lady's comment stinging. It looked something like this:

Age 21. I wore a size 20 dress to a college ball. I *hated* dress shopping for that event. Everything I tried on was too small, or made for an 80 year old. I settled on the most boring dress in the world because it fit and it didn't look like it was for an old lady. Then I insisted on wearing a wrap around my arms to hide them. Body issues = out of control by then.

Age 23. My friend had asked me to join a gym with her and part of me knew I needed to do it, but part of me didn't want to because I was afraid people would stare at fat little me. Insecurities ran amok. I went shopping for new jeans, and the size 20WP was too small. I needed the 22. For some reason, 22 was my breaking point. (Why not earlier is beyond me.) I burst into tears in the fitting room, but bought the pants anyway because I needed them, and then immediately called my friend and said "let's do this." I'd say the rest is history, but, well, it's 15 years later and I'm still a work in progress. :)

I think it would be fascinating to go back in time and try on these dresses again. Especially the purple ruffly one because in hindsight that dress was hilarious.
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