I always approach Mother's Day with a mix of feelings. My mother is, as far as I know, still alive. She has chosen not to have me in her life for most of the time I have been alive. I wish things were different. I have been blessed with teachers, coworkers and other adults who have in some way filled the role for me. I have 2 stepmothers, one of whom is "Mom" to me, though that was certainly not the case when I was a teen. Then there was Mom Angell...
At work today, someone who does not know me wished me Happy Mother's Day. I accepted the wish graciously, but pieces of my heart shredded. I am too old to have children and, as I look at the downside of my lifespan, that regret stings more than it did a few years ago. Not only that, the void left by my absent mother has never completely been filled.
I have contemporaries with grandchildren and I have younger coworkers who are having children or trying do so. Their lives are very different from mine. I console myself with the thought that I have had enough trouble taking care of myself and it's probably better that I never became a mother.
Fortunately, I get to step into a pseudo mom role at work. I often mentor student employees and I teach new employees some of the company-specific things they need to know in order to be successful. I love doing both. I love being "the go to" person.
Tomorrow, I will call my #1 stepmother and she will talk too long (I hope she does not bring up politics!). I will work at job #1 and return home to continue the painful process of getting ready to move across the country.
Very likely, I will stay offline as much as I can. I can already tell that, this year, Mother's Day is going to be a day of thousands of cuts to my emotional well-being.
For those who are moms, about to be moms or virtual moms ~ I salute each and every one of you! I am not a parent, but I know I presented many challenges to my parents, teachers and others who filled those roles in my life. Sometimes, I wish I could undo some of my acts and unsay my words! I cannot thank those people this year, so let me "pay it forward" by thanking you and wishing each of you the very best possible day yet!