4ROSEMARY
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Feeling Stuck, Dealing with Emotions

Friday, May 05, 2017

This won't be a happy, upbeat blog...so stop reading now if that's what you are looking for.
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I don't want to drag anyone down, don't want to start any fights, and don't need any criticism. I generally don't blog much, because I'm a pretty private person, and only feel like sharing when I feel like I've learned something that can help others. I don't expect this blog to help anyone. But I need to figure out how to help myself, so I'm writing it purely for that reason.

I feel stuck. Soooo stuck. My weight loss efforts are stuck. I have no motivation to try to improve my diet. And I know exactly why...I'm depressed. I've realized I'm an emotional eater, and when I'm happy and positive, I can eat healthy and exercise, and feel great and strong and motivated. When I'm feeling sad and defeated, I feel vulnerable and weak, and have no energy. Then I eat whatever is convenient, and don't feel like exercising. At the moment, I feel defeated.

Decisions are being made that will directly impact my life, and I have absolutely no control over the outcome. I foresee changes in the future that will cost me a lot of money, perhaps even bankruptcy. And I feel helpless to do anything about it. And it won't be settled for a year or two, maybe even more.

Since I can't do anything about it, my big problem for now is...learning to live with uncertainty, and making the best of each day anyway. I know that I've lived through a lot of tough times in the past and made it through. This time I feel like I have a lot more to lose (financially), and at my age it's harder, but...again, I have no say in the matter.

I feel like it's just my turn for sadness. I keep hearing the Simon and Garfunkel song, Sounds of Silence, in my head. "Hello Darkness, my old friend, I've come to talk with you again."
http://www.youtube.com/watch
?v=4fWyzwo1xg0

I feel life is like that. You have ups and downs. I know that. I need to find ways to get through the downs better. I am at least maintaining my weight loss, so that is a good thing for me. I don't want to be in this "down" cycle for years...so trying to figure out a way to cope. It's situational depression, but I can't control the situation...so all that is left is controlling my reaction to the situation. Difficult to do, when the impact can be so great.
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So...no answers here. Just thinking out loud, getting my thoughts organized as I figure out ways of coping. To my SparkFriends, I just wanted to explain if I'm absent from the site sometimes...there are days when I need a break from things. (I've been vague intentionally about what is upsetting me, because I don't want to open myself up to arguments from people. I'm happy to share more details with any of my SparkFriends...just send an email or a goodie, and I will respond and explain. But I felt blogging in general terms gets the point across.) Like I said earlier, didn't mean to bring down anyone's mood with this blog. Hope you have a good weekend. Thanks for reading and letting me "think out loud."
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • MILPAM3
    The title itself was an indicator that this would not be a happy report. Remember that you ARE maintaining, so you have had the success of having met the weight loss goal. Also consider that even a slight bit of exercise is helpful to get the feel-good endorphin flowing. You'll get through this. Not knowing the specifics of the financial concern, let me suggest (if it is pertinent) a credit counselor. At least find out what one could do for you.
    This may seem like a dark, lonely time, but even if you can't see us, the SP members are standing along the walls of the tunnel, ready to cheer you on. emoticon
    1125 days ago
  • MILTONS_MAMA
    emoticon on maintaining your weight loss! That can be really difficult to do sometimes.

    I love The Sound of Silence, it's so soulful. I get songs in my head sometimes like that too. emoticon

    I exercise each day. It's only 15 minutes, but I think it helps. I can feel my body using oxygen better, and getting a tiny bit more muscular. You might think about just making yourself work out, as a habit. Then you'll have something to feel good about, even if it seems like a small thing. It's very good for your body. I started off with only 5 minutes a day, and added more as I felt like I could do that.

    I need to make better food choices as well. It's hard to eat right all the time. emoticon
    1126 days ago
  • LINDA!
    You and the entire situation are in my prayers.
    1126 days ago
  • 1CRAZYDOG
    Hugs and prayers. Rough times are difficult to maneuver w/o venting SOMEWHERE. Glad you vented here.


    1126 days ago
  • FBAILEY24X
    I can relate. Have you tried faking it? Smiling even though you don't feel like smiling is really good especially if you're out and see someone and they smile back, it really is contagious and often elevates my mood! Exercise is also really good for changing how you feel sometimes you don't want to do anything but you push through and soon you've got all the endorphins flowing, try something fun like hula hooping or belly dancing before you know it you'll be laughing. 😝 Hope you feel better soon.
    1126 days ago

    Comment edited on: 5/5/2017 4:14:46 PM
  • NEWVINE
    Sending Prayers emoticon
    1126 days ago
  • WITHVENGEANCE
    You don't have to do this alone. That felt like something I would have written 5 years ago. And though I still struggle with the weight, emotionally I have crawled out on the other side. Beaten, defeated, feeling hopeless. There is hope. I'm here.
    1126 days ago
  • KELLIEBEAN
    I have heard that Simon and Garfunkel song in my head many many times. I'm sorry you are going through such a challenging time. I hope things turn out better than it looks right now.

    I'm glad you wrote the blog. Sometimes getting thoughts out on paper or wherever can slow down the constant swirling of thoughts and help you decide next steps.

    Do what is best for you! emoticon
    1126 days ago
  • IWILLSTILLRISE
    emoticon
    1126 days ago
  • KBMASON78
    Hey friend! Times in life will always have some uncertain moments, but the key to it is breathe and realize you are human...it's okay to be defeated temporarily and to be mad/sad about it..the thing to remember is take it one day at a time...
    1126 days ago
  • BJK1961
    There is something you can do, get a therapist. Let them teach you the tools you need. Life can be so much better.
    1126 days ago
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