Monday, May 01, 2017
I am still having trouble with my motivation. It just does not want to stick around. It is trying so hard to run away that I am tempted to call the police and report it as a runaway. I thought that making a new vision board would help. I tried, I really did, but without any real motivation, it was difficult. I realized that I need to find a reason to fight for me. What could be better than an image of a knight with a sword? I searched the internet for just the right pictures. I managed to find one I liked. I was tracing it, then coloring it, when I started thinking about my lack of motivation and how far that I still have to go.
At the beginning of this journey, I knew that I was going to have some hard times. After all, I have no sense of direction. I get lost really easy, but I can read a map. I can always find my way back to the right path. This time, I was having a lot of trouble. I guess I was feeling lower than I thought because I started to think about some of the really rough parts in my life. I started thinking about when I found out my then-husband was cheating on me, when he decided he wanted out of the marriage, when I was trying to raise my youngest daughter without any help from him. That one was hard. I was not working. My only income was from the government issued Child Tax Benefit. Whenever anyone found out how much money I was living and raising a child on, they were shocked. My daughter and I were eating by the grace of God. Homemade bread is cheaper than store bought. A vegetarian diet is cheaper than meat. In each case, I survived.
Was I superwoman? Superwoman could definitely have survived each problem, easily. Not one of those problems was easy. Surviving each one of those problems was difficult and each time, it was a big blow to my self-esteem. Ok, not superwoman then. Maybe more of a fighter? Maybe I was more like the knight that I was tracing and coloring? I would use my sword to fight through each problem and come out stronger in the end.
New problem. The knights happened to be all men. Sorry, but the last time I checked, I was definitely not a man. Fine. I could be a warrior princess then. I needed some new images to trace. Thank you Google.
These images have been colored in. They will be cut out, backgrounds colored, and taped up on the wall next to my vision board. I am Sherri, a warrior princess. I am sure that if everyone thinks about their past battles, I am pretty sure we have a lot of warriors and warrior princesses here.