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I'm back from outer space

Thursday, April 27, 2017

Just kidding!!!! I did not go to outer space.

I am trying to get back into weight loss and goals and being alive.

So, a lot of bad things have happened since my last blog entry.

I was diagnosed with Hep C, then I was told that it was a false positive, and that I just have fatty liver syndrome. So, that meant that I couldn't have hormonal birth control to control my PCOS. emoticon

Then, I got what I thought was a bad UTI. I had kidney stones which blocked my urinary tract from properly emptying, and so I did get a UTI, but it was treated by taking Uricare emoticon , an over the counter supplement. They did a MRI and CT. I had huge tumors, one 8 lbs, and the other 2 lbs, on each ovary. They had hair, they had teeth, they were monsters on my ovaries. They were responsible for the fact that I didn't have periods for 6 months. I was only 38!!! So, I had to have surgery. I had a great emoticon surgeon. I did really well. It was a laparoscopic procedure. I was cared for at home by my Mom, Dad, and older brother. Everything went well until just before January, when I developed very bad depression and panic emoticon attacks. I was suicidal because I ran out of vitamin d when I caught a cold virus. I was healing and was depleted of vitamins. My dad recognized the symptoms and was able to save my life. I also took Ashwaghanda and zinc. It was tough. But, I made it through.

So, now, I'm down an ovary. I'm obese emoticon . I have to fight hirsutism. I have to fight my weight. I can't go just 'low carb' or 'high protein' because my liver won't have it. I can't digest fats hardly at all anymore. I have to count calories, workout emoticon , manage my stress (which badly contributes to my PCOS because cortisol is dumped into my liver and recirculated in my blood stream instead of being sweated out because my ability to sweat stop functioning properly when I had my kidney problems. Sheesh.)

I am unemployed emoticon at this time even though the family business has a gig. But, I don't have the knowledge , skills, and abilities to participate at this time.

The thing I still have going for me is my emoticon family. My Mom has helped handle my paper work when I was unable to, my brother handles my computers, and my Dad is making the money right now. Its great. But, its also embarrassing. My Aunt Peg gave me a loan so that I could buy a emoticon car, but I feel bad because I am not earning to pay her back yet. My Mom is paying for that. Their idea was that there was no way that I could get a job without a car. Its true, I really needed help. My ego hates needing help. emoticon It hurts.

So. . .I need to lose 95 lbs. I need to study for a professional exam (the same one, I haven't had the brains to sit for yet due to illness.) I need to work through my emotional issues so that I can get out there and emoticon date. Or at the very least have a vibrant social life. What holds me back in that regard is severe embarrassment about my life. How can I look someone in the eye and say, 'yeah, date me! I'm unemployed, obese, never dated, and I have literally nothing going for me other than a kind emoticon disposition, healthy love for all things science emoticon fiction, and a taste for emoticon chocolate.' And on top of that, I'm looking for a life partner, not a 'hit it and quit it' situation. emoticon

All of that sounds terrible. But, I still have my cat Maria emoticon and I have learned that I have a talent for acrylic emoticon abstract painting. I am enjoying that. I go out with my friends emoticon at least once a month. And the sun is starting to shine. We expect warm emoticon temperatures within the next week or two.

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • CATS_MEOW_0911
    I'm glad you're back, I've returned recently myself.

    I am so sorry to hear of your struggles. Sounds like you've been doing your best given the circumstances. It's impossible to focus on bettering your health when you're in survival mode. I'm glad you have supportive family, that always helps!

    938 days ago
    It was so good to hear from you. I am sorry to hear about all of the terrible things you have had to endure and I hope they are behind you now. emoticon
    954 days ago
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