Just kidding!!!! I did not go to outer space.
I am trying to get back into weight loss and goals and being alive.
So, a lot of bad things have happened since my last blog entry.
I was diagnosed with Hep C, then I was told that it was a false positive, and that I just have fatty liver syndrome. So, that meant that I couldn't have hormonal birth control to control my PCOS.
Then, I got what I thought was a bad UTI. I had kidney stones which blocked my urinary tract from properly emptying, and so I did get a UTI, but it was treated by taking Uricare
, an over the counter supplement. They did a MRI and CT. I had huge tumors, one 8 lbs, and the other 2 lbs, on each ovary. They had hair, they had teeth, they were monsters on my ovaries. They were responsible for the fact that I didn't have periods for 6 months. I was only 38!!! So, I had to have surgery. I had a great
surgeon. I did really well. It was a laparoscopic procedure. I was cared for at home by my Mom, Dad, and older brother. Everything went well until just before January, when I developed very bad depression and panic
attacks. I was suicidal because I ran out of vitamin d when I caught a cold virus. I was healing and was depleted of vitamins. My dad recognized the symptoms and was able to save my life. I also took Ashwaghanda and zinc. It was tough. But, I made it through.
So, now, I'm down an ovary. I'm obese
. I have to fight hirsutism. I have to fight my weight. I can't go just 'low carb' or 'high protein' because my liver won't have it. I can't digest fats hardly at all anymore. I have to count calories, workout
, manage my stress (which badly contributes to my PCOS because cortisol is dumped into my liver and recirculated in my blood stream instead of being sweated out because my ability to sweat stop functioning properly when I had my kidney problems. Sheesh.)
I am unemployed
at this time even though the family business has a gig. But, I don't have the knowledge , skills, and abilities to participate at this time.
The thing I still have going for me is my
family. My Mom has helped handle my paper work when I was unable to, my brother handles my computers, and my Dad is making the money right now. Its great. But, its also embarrassing. My Aunt Peg gave me a loan so that I could buy a
car, but I feel bad because I am not earning to pay her back yet. My Mom is paying for that. Their idea was that there was no way that I could get a job without a car. Its true, I really needed help. My ego hates needing help.
So. . .I need to lose 95 lbs. I need to study for a professional exam (the same one, I haven't had the brains to sit for yet due to illness.) I need to work through my emotional issues so that I can get out there and
date. Or at the very least have a vibrant social life. What holds me back in that regard is severe embarrassment about my life. How can I look someone in the eye and say, 'yeah, date me! I'm unemployed, obese, never dated, and I have literally nothing going for me other than a kind
disposition, healthy love for all things science
fiction, and a taste for
chocolate.' And on top of that, I'm looking for a life partner, not a 'hit it and quit it' situation.
All of that sounds terrible. But, I still have my cat Maria
and I have learned that I have a talent for acrylic
abstract painting. I am enjoying that. I go out with my friends
at least once a month. And the sun is starting to shine. We expect warm
temperatures within the next week or two.