I'm a little behind in reading Spark blogs. Have you seen a therapist? If not, please call your doctor to get a recommendation. If budget is an issue, there are resources out there that your doctor should be able to help you with.
Look up mental health services in your area to see what's out there.
You need someone to look at what has been happening and give you tools to cope with everything you are dealing with. Don't stop talking. Don't stop reaching out. You deserve to be happy and healthy!