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Update: Emotion Edition

Thursday, April 20, 2017

So I finally decided that things weren't going to get better for me unless I went to counseling. A good friend of mine told me about and I found a Groupon that made it only $99 for 2 months of unlimited messaging counseling. Basically there is a messaging app on their site, you send a message, and your counselor responds to you in 24 hours. You can also schedule phone calls or live messaging sessions if you like.

The first lady I had... well... let's just say I felt much more intelligent than her. She didn't actually ask me any relevant questions and when I said I felt lonely a lot of the time she told me to get a pet. I HAVE A DOG and if you'd asked me I'd have told you that. The good news is they let you switch no problem, and the new person I have is fabulous. We're going to have a phone session sometime next week.

Yesterday I had a bout of emotional eating. It's funny to call it emotional eating, because for me what it really is is "avoiding emotions eating". I tracked every bite of it.

The biggest thing I've been struggling with is loneliness. Loneliness both in my marriage and when I'm actually alone. When I don't have someone to message with when I'm alone or when things are slow at work, I get very morose. I know this isn't good, and I need to learn to be okay when I'm alone. When I'm actively performing a task I'm too busy to think of being alone, but sometimes I get into a funk and can't focus on a task. Here's an example:

Our marriage counselor says my husband needs to start going out and giving me some time alone at home, because I was feeling frustrated with having no alone time. So Mondays we both have off from work, but he volunteered to go to work and do some stuff for charity this week so I could have some time at home alone. I did my usual morning routine and was fine, but when it got to my free time it was rainy and cold and I was just so heart crushingly lonely. I wound up going to browse at Kohl's, because I didn't want to be alone. That made me feel worse, because, let's face it, it's depressing in there. I went to Barnes & Noble hoping my friend was working, but I didn't see her so I walked around there for a few and texted a friend. B&N was actually a decent place to go, because there were a lot of people there and I could hear the friendly voices of the staff. I eventually went home and started dinner, and my husband was home soon. THEN THE SUN CAME OUT.

I actually spent some time talking to him and crying a lot that day. I really wanted alone time but when I got it I was still miserable. WTF. That's definitely something I'm working on with my counselor.

On a positive note: I'm running my first Younique Facebook party starting tomorrow and there are THIRTY FIVE PEOPLE in the group! I hope they like me! lol.

Lastly, on Monday night I made baked ziti and brought that, a loaf of Italian bread and a cake my husband made to my friend Amanda's house. She has two teen boys and their father is a deadbeat dad who is selling the house out from under them. The older boy has debilitating anxiety and is on medication for that... but one of the side effects can be suicidal thoughts. He had those thoughts last week and is now in a day program while they taper him off the meds and onto something better. Amanda is struggling financially as it is, and the day program is $45/day, so I brought them some nice home cooked dinner for the boys. The older boy is a sweet, sensitive kid who has a crappy dad and terrible anxiety, and I just wanted him to know someone cared. I got a message from Amanda the following evening: "He had a really bad day today, but when I asked him if there was anything at all good about it, he said 'ziti'." That tiny act of kindness was the bright spot in that boy's day, and it made me feel so good. I had a rough childhood too, and it kills me to know what they're going through. If I can do anything to ease some of that I will.

Today the sun is out and I feel pretty good. I need to buckle down and make a timeline for my cookbook and get crackin!
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    I'm glad you decided to get counseling. As soon as I get a permanent position, that's what I wanna do to.
    Our emotions (and their responses) are so deeply rooted.. it's easy to get lost! Hope you get better soon. In the meantime, be gentle with yourself, you're such a great person!

    721 days ago
    Good for you - for getting help, and switching when it wasn't working. yep, I've had some crappy ones. I lucked out with the one I've been seeing now for several years. but I had to change it up with my psych for meds and that was tough. Tough to consider it, again, lucked out and got someone really good. I'm pretty sure it saved my life. I'm thinking of you as you make your way. Don't forget that you are enough. emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    725 days ago
    I'm glad you were able to help your friend. When I am struggling with loneliness, which (not surprising considering my living situation) is often a struggle for me, I find that doing something for other people helps a lot.

    The best thing about life is that nothing every stays the same. This is a difficult time for you now, but it won't always be that way. Hang on!



    725 days ago
    I am glad this current counselor is someone you feel is able to help. And I am so happy that the poor boy's one happy thought was ziti.

    Huge hugs at this difficult time,
    726 days ago
    I'm glad your new counselor is more suitable. I hope everything works out for you.

    How nice to do something kind for others. That's always a good feeling. You are such an awesome person. Hang in there. Things will get better.

    727 days ago
    Changing counselors instead of staying with a crappy one, experiencing alone time and having a deep insight, and doing something so super-nice for Amanda and her boys... what would you think of someone else who had done all that? Now, think that of yourself! You are a good person.
    If you get a chance to see a counselor in person, it can go so much better because there can be a lot missed by not having non-verbal cues during a session. Like your steely-stare when told to get a pet. LOL!
    Frustration within can lead to lashing out at others in critical ways. I do hope Mother Nature brings you sunshine today. And if not, that Bingley and some good music make up for it!
    727 days ago
    I am glad to see you are taking steps to address things. The process can be very hard and even hurt, but it is sooooo worth it! Work those steps, take advantage of the tools you are acquiring and dig in! You got this! :)

    I am excited for you for your first Younique Facebook party! I just know it will go well! Best wishes there! emoticon

    So sorry to hear about your friend and her kids. It is heartbreaking to hear they are going through that. It is comforting to know that she has a friend like you that can make baked ziti and it be a highlight. It is magical baked ziti! emoticon

    I was wondering when you were going to do a definite time line for your cook book! I think that will be a good thing to get some goals laid out for that. Speaking of cookbooks....When I was cruising online looking for ideas for my menu there was this blogger (seriously did not even book mark her), but she was actually SELLING her weekly menus / recipes. I do not know if that would be something you are interested in....however it is an idea. Hmmm.....

    Anywho....One foot in front of the other, my friend. You got this!

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

    727 days ago
    I'm glad you got a counselor that seems like will work better for you. I'm glad you had a talk with DH. I'm really glad that you made that dinner for your friend with the boys. What a horrible situation. Is the house in both their names? Has she talked to an attorney? Ugh. Good luck with your Younique Party - you're going to do awesome!!
    728 days ago
  • CHERYLA2012
    Here's to you doing the hard work you know you need to do, even if it is, at times, hard. I have sympathy for you because I remember past times when I felt similar.

    728 days ago
  • RUSTY720108
    I'm glad you quickly realised you should change the counsellor and you have found one you are comfortable with. And after a challenging day you were still able to help those boys. You're doing great Andrea x
    728 days ago
  • CH64412010
    You may need to see a counselor in person. Some companies offer telephone counselors too.. goodluck
    728 days ago
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