My history. (First entry)
Tuesday, April 18, 2017
So, I've never done a blog other than for what Facebook or MySpace was ever used for. ;)
I thought maybe if I made my goals of being healthier, feeling better and staying well informed on how to do that would work better if I made it a bigger presence in my life.
So here we go..
I'll keep my story short and to the point (or try to).
I was married. Met the guy before I even graduated high school and he was quite a bit older than me. I was impressionable (more than I am now) and he was my best friend. His lifestyle though, included many vices. We all have them. It is how we stay sane in this monotonous world we live in. His lifestyle though, involved drinking and going to bars. For the 7 years I was with him, both dating and married.. drinking and indulging in bar food and whatever we wanted, really, was a huge part of our lives. And I did not know what it was to eat or drink only what I felt my body needed or had room for. I consumed what I wanted regardless of how I felt. And drinking enough water? Forget it!
I'm still guilty of this, sometimes. I'm 26 now. My stomach is not so forgiving as it once was, and like my mild intolerance to dairy.. so too does grease and junk food make my stomach angry. You know.. bloating, the cramping.. the whole shebang.
If I choose to indulge, I figure it's worth it. I'll pay the consequences and do my time. Then it becomes this drawn out cycle for my body to get back on track. A self defeating cycle.
I left my husband two years ago.
I wasn't growing anymore as a person. I was with him from age 16 to age 24! When had I had time or the space to become, well.. me? I had no way of knowing who i was as a single, individual. The emotional dependency was one thing, but the "no cares given" drinking and small town bar life was fun.. but it was very counter productive and nothing about it was healthy.
My unhappiness and state of poor health was not on him to blame. It was my youth, my ignorance and lack of self. He was my best friend. I was a wife. A stepmom to a 13 year old boy who would visit every other weekend, who I loved as well. But I could not give myself to others if I myself was not yet whole or even known..
So.. i left. To find me. That was March 2015.
That summer, I began jogging..I began going to the gym. I started controlling and being more aware of what went into my body. Far from perfect. But compared to what my body had been used to up to that point, it was a huge improvement and I was able to by this point in my life (April 2017), to lose 35lbs.
This has not been a consistent journey, however. I know how to get back on track. My body has excellent muscle memory and I know that if I just started consistently watching what I eat again, keep going to the gym and making progress..I'll get into amazing shape and feel as amazing as I have had the small tastes of it that I have had, so to speak.
Does it happen? No.
Why not? I'm too busy. I'm keeping sane. I get off track and then don't have the time, focus or energy to get back on. And if I do, I fall off and stay off again. And again.
This is my history. Now this isn't meant to be discouraging or an end with the poor me statement. I'm just getting started. (I hope this is how you do this blog stuff on here.. ;) )
Blog entry #2 up next. ♡