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So I finally filed an EPO today...only took me 4 years

Sunday, April 09, 2017

What does it feel like to file an EPO? lonely,guilty, worthless. It does not feel like taking power back.. It feels like crap. To be totally honest-- i didn't even call the police. It was anonymous. And also if he hadn't broken the tv-- maybe I wouldnt have pressed charges. the police officer was calm but he was upset. he said its the worst he'd seen without objects used. I laughed as I cried. This....THIS... is NOTHING. this isn't so bad today.
He just called as I am writing this. Again working up the story how I fell on my own from diabetes. Threatening to have me put out. Is that even possible? Telling me how the landlord wants me gone anyway because I am crazy.
My anxiety is sky high.
I feel like I'm coming out of my skin.
I have no tv for background nosie.
sure EVERYONE thinks its for the best so why does it feel so bad.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • DEERLADY45
    I am so sorry what happened to you!i work at a pantry and soup kitchen and HEAR this crap often.. one lady had both her legs broke and was shoved down the stairs after. Im proud you did what you did you deserve better dear. I hope things are getting better for you ~~โ™กHUGS ANS BLESSINGS๐Ÿ’—๐Ÿƒ๐Ÿ’š

    I see this happened over a year ago so hoping all is way better๐Ÿค—
    637 days ago

    Comment edited on: 3/15/2018 6:28:28 PM
  • PANDORAN
    Oh no, sweetie. I'm so sorry that you're having to deal with this. Stay strong, and stay safe, and remember that Christ is with you, even if it doesn't always *feel* like it. He knows what it means to hurt.
    959 days ago
  • CTYONIT
    Sometimes it is the uncertainty of change that that causes something good to feel not so good.

    Getting and keep yourself safe is the main concern right now. There are avenues of help, pursue each and everyone of them; pour yourself into taking care of you (if nothing else it will be a great distraction).

    Change your locks and phone number (most phone carriers will do it for free for victims)

    If it does not offend, I will pray for you.

    emoticon
    970 days ago
  • CBASS30
    I agree with Erin posch. As well please love yourself and avoid who hurt you.
    971 days ago
  • SPARKFRAN514
    So many have given you good advice and i agree take care of you be safe I am praying for you and that things work out so you can find a safe to live and be safe no deserves to be treated this way.
    972 days ago
  • 2BDYNAMIC
    Oh my dear I am so reaching out to you right this minute with one big hug and pleading with you please do all you can for your safety... You are what matters and the phone call that he just made still blaming you is evidence is not going to change in the next time it could be so much worse!.. I am so sorry this horrible situation occurred and likely so many more before this.
    I pray for you for your safety and your peace and your well-being .... emoticon
    973 days ago
  • DANAPRIME
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    974 days ago
  • MPOTTER22
    Sending prayers to you for strength. You have to take care of you!!!!
    976 days ago
  • ERIN_POSCH
    Oh... my dear freind! we tend to feel bad about it because we for some FALSE reason believe
    * we are responsible for it
    * we must have done something that made our loved one angry.
    * we've failed because we weren't able to keep everything perfect in the relationship.
    * we've let them down and caused them to react the way they did.

    NO ONE deserves to live like this...You are worthy of being treated with respect and love. Hopefully you are the primary on the lease and can have him restrained from coming in. Hopefully you have friends/loved ones that can help you through your fears. Hopefully you are at a point were you are willing to seek the help you need to get out of the CRAZY CYCLE that you are living in. You say this isn't bad so bad TODAY , it's nothing, but in reality it is heartbreaking and it is WRONG. He is wrong for doing it and you are wrong for cutting him slack for letting him continue. I know I've been there.

    The toughest and yet best decision i ever made was to leave personal belongings behind and take the kids and I to a shelter to start seeking help. Stuff can be replaced but the children and I couldn't.
    We had no one to come to our aid. We had to leave because our lives depended on it. The shelter provided counseling and legal assistance for the children and I. For the first time I realized that secrets were kept that shouldn't have been ... why? because everyone was covering for him and trying to protect the rest of the family. Everyone of us felt less than worthy of respect and unconditional love.

    If you had a daughter or friend that was being treated like you are, what would you tell them? Would you want them to continue to live like that? Would you tell them they were asking for it due to some behavior they displayed and the other party shouldn't be blamed? I think not. Most of us would complain if we saw an animal treated this way. SO stand up for yourself, believe you deserve to be treated humanely.

    I'm praying for you my dear. Reaching out here is a great start to accepting your worthiness. Having someone care enough to call it in is a true blessing. What if the call wasn't made -- what if he continued to beat you? Now that you have people who are aware of the situation, its a great time to change things in order for you to get your life in order. Whatever that looks like.


    976 days ago
  • ASH1784
    Wow...what a difficult decision you had to make! I haven't been in that situation, but I have had my own struggles. I find that it takes time to process life events and to heal both physically and emotionally from them. Eventually, you will get to a point where, in hindsight, you will see that you made the best decision for your own well being. If you are anything like me, you tend to put others first. It has taken years for me to accept that I, too, am fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalms 139:14). I realized that if I truly believe that, then I need to take care of God's creation (meaning me). I will add you to my prayer list Kathleen. I'm so glad you posted about dropping under 200 lbs.! May the Lord give you his peace today! Amy
    976 days ago
  • HAPPYSOUL91
    Keep your doors locked and change them. This time call the police
    977 days ago
  • HAEDDRE-
    Stay strong and keep safe
    emoticon

    977 days ago
  • MOTIVATED36732
    It's difficult now but you have made the best decision to protect yourself from harm. Getting through the pain is a process just know that your healing is on the way. Seek supports you'll need to get through this situation.
    977 days ago
  • TEAMWAX
    I don't have any brilliant words- but know you are worth saving. If there is a DV agency in your area, give them a call. We care and we want you to be safe.
    977 days ago
  • MSANN59
    Praying for you!!๐Ÿ™๐Ÿ™๐Ÿ™
    977 days ago
  • UBERCOMMUTER
    Have had the Peel-your-skin-off-and-run anxiety. Physical activity, if possible should help. I used to do bursts of push-ups. Taking a pillow and beating stuff can help Even if you don't go to a shelter they have counseling & legal advice
    977 days ago
  • STARGAZ3R
    May you find the strength to love yourself enough to know in your heart of hearts that you deserve better and find the courage to let him go ๐Ÿ’“
    977 days ago
  • no profile photo TBARBERICH
    Getting out of a bad relationship is always hard? Keep your own safety in mind and do what you feel is best
    977 days ago
  • GDILLINGH
    Praying for you and for a good and happy outcome. It feels hard but you HAVE made the right decision
    977 days ago
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