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Developing a New ME

Thursday, April 06, 2017

Yesterday I went to Quilt Club, and today went to Caregiver's Support Group. I feel quite proud of myself for getting out.

What my REAL intentions are is to hibernate. That is not good.

I must begin to develop myself into a new way of living.

Another example: I had a grocery list with me and pulled in to Costco. It was too crowded, and I didn't even get out of the car. Drove to Safeway instead.

I learned that I have to buy in smaller quantities now. Instead of the big stuff at Costco, I did my shopping for me and Benny.

Example 2: Costco has these really big jars of peanut butter, packed in twos. I bought a small jar at Safeway instead. I have no idea as to how long it would take me to go through 2 big jars, even though, ounce per ounce, the Costco was a bit cheaper.

Example 3: I was out of grapes, and Costco sells these really BIG packages of grapes. So I bought a "me" size at Safeway for a higher price, but at least I won't be throwing them away because they got too old.

Example 4: Instead of getting the 2-in-1 gallons of milk at Costco, I bought only 1 gallon at Safeway. Cheaper than having it spoil because it sat for too long.

Got home and had three messages. One from the Crematorium, one from DD saying it is a day where it is really hard for her not to swear, and one from a tree guy who wants to set up an appointment to come and top some of the huge trees on the property.

I'll get to all of them after I have a bit of lunch.

Life is very strange when one of the "couple" is no longer here. I never thought of the grocery buying being different. It just never crossed my mind.

A lot of things I took for granted have to be reassessed. Little things, mostly.

Life is starting to be too fast for me right now. A whole lot of things need doing and attention that I never before considered.

I guess that means life goes on, and that I will adjust.

I still have Benny to walk, YeowLing to take care of, and figure out how to stop going in circles. Everyone says "It gets easier", and I don't know if I should believe them.

I just know that I must keep going.

You Sparkies have been so very kind and attentive. You have no idea how much you have helped me get through all this. I know I am not alone, although it feels like that.

I will keep on keeping on.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    emoticon Focusing on one day at a time and on you is the best thing you can do for yourself. I know what you mean by being in a "fog". My dad passed away very early in my life and I was in a fog that first whole summer without him.I just kept expecting he would come walking through the back gate like he always did. I think MT-MOONCHASER's advice about going to the quilt studio is spot on!!! You take care of you first!!! I added you as my friend. emoticon emoticon emoticon
    156 days ago
    No, it doesn't get easier - you just adjust.

    My shopping habits have already changed too - All Ray wants most days is his Hot Cocoa with Ice Cream and his Fish Sticks.

    I honestly don't know how you stayed on track throughout this past year. But I admire your courage in dealing with the impossible.

    Thank you so much for being my friend.

    hugs & hugs,
    670 days ago
  • STONE815
    Hugs and prayers. emoticon
    704 days ago
    You are such a resourcceful woman Sandy you will do a good job and you will achieve great things still!
    705 days ago
    It is always difficult to create a new routine, whether it is managing calories or grocery shopping. In time it will become natural, but right now you aren't there.
    Benny, YeowLing, and your daughter need you now. The Crematorium can be dealt with quickly and the tree guy can wait until you have the time, energy, and inclination to deal with the issues.
    Take your days one day, one hour, one minute at a time. Make sure you have meaningful "me time" (quilt guild, church, support group, occasional nap).
    Life is different that it was a few weeks ago. You are a survivor! You will make this happen!

    714 days ago

    It DOES get easier - in some respects... Right now you are being hammered by having to make a lot of decisions, but a lot of them are one-time ones and once they are made, they can be put behind you. In that respect, it does get easier. Other things may take a lot of time or they may never get easier, just maybe less frequent.

    Yes, the world of food shopping is a totally new one. You will have to pick your battles on that. We don't have a nearby Costco, so I just keep a running list of items to stock up on when I have access to one. Non-perishables like rice and dried beans and pasta, canned items that aren't always available nearby, paper goods, pet supplies (food and litter) and bulk frozen foods are good choices, most fresh foods are iffy although vegetables that have a relatively long shelf life like carrots, cabbage and root veggies are possibilities.

    Now is the time to take care of YOU so head for the quilt studio every time you get to feeling overwhelmed. Most of the decisions you have to face can wait while you put a few blocks together!

    715 days ago
    HUGS . . . there is a ton of adjustment and you'll get there in your own good time. HUGS
    715 days ago
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