Maintenance & thoughts on diet-obsession.
Sunday, March 26, 2017
Before the blog... please understand I am only describing my thoughts & experience, not recommending a course of action for anyone else. Take from my experience what resonates with you & leave the rest.
Weigh in day. I only do it once a month because I am trying to release myself from diet-obsession. Since I was 10 years old, I have obsessed over my diet, my exercise routines and mostly, my weight. I see how my mum has been doing the same thing - but for 20 years longer than me. I wonder what we could have experienced or accomplished if we had put a fraction of that energy into something else.
At my bariatric support group meeting last month, a woman was describing how she tracked every morsel that enters her month & every month she reviews her data and looks for patterns. Someone asked if she was alright with this level of obsession and she answered with an emphatic Yes! because damn it, she's turning 70 soon & she won't spend another birthday overweight. I wanted to cry. All the passion, time & energy she puts into her weight, the importance she puts on being thin. I'm not judging her, I'm feeling sad that we can be so judgmental of ourselves & our bodies.
So I refused to weigh more than once a month as part of my refusal to be diet-obsessed. I also don't track calories anymore - though I make a conscious effort every day to make healthy choices. I don't track calories burned either - though I do track # of rides on my horse (26 since Jan 15th!) and I do some kind of physical activity every day.
And even with all of this mindset about not being diet-obsessed, every month my heart starts racing as I approach the scale. I have a whole ritual around it - first thing in the morning & naked. Every month, I am convinced that when I step on the scale I will have gained 10 lbs. But for 5 months in a row now, I have been in my maintenance range. Maybe next month I'll be a little more trusting of myself & my body.
Until then, the adventure continues. I'm having so much fun in my body. Things may change in the future, but right now this body is capable of great things. I'm learning to ride bareback at the trot & learning to canter in the saddle. I'm participating in my first barrel race this spring. I'm trying out for a dragon boat team - "The Nauty Girls" (for nautical) - this afternoon.