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Well hello....

Monday, March 20, 2017

Well hello...
Old habits- Don't get me wrong I am still working out(which has always been the first thing to go) but this weekend my eating went a little haywire. I also connected with two of my exes(neither one want anything with me but I keep hoping 😞) and bought a pack of cigarettes...and smoked them! What!? This makes me so mad and ultimately leads to our next hello!
Depression- I wish I could say my mental health has improved with the workouts and better diet, but unfortunately it hasn't. Like I said I bought a pack of cigarettes! I was doing so well and would only have a few while drinking, but nope this was Saturday after work I needed something and decided they were it! It has made me so upset like I don't know why I try anymore. I'm never gonna have the power over my addictions. Then there is the other part of me that knows I need to take a step back and take it second by second. This is never a good time of year for me my mothers d-day anniversary is in two weeks, the due date for a baby I'll never meet is right around the corner, and there just isn't time to process it all because work is picking up! I also have to say I am feeling very lonely in all of this. I have been single for ever so I don't know why all of a sudden it has become an issue but it is...waah waaah lol
Sickness- I can't say you've been missed, but I appreciate you showing up to remind me I'm not invincible...I think. After spending the morning in urgent care even the doctors don't know what I have :( just something that makes me feel like death! Being sick makes you see yourself differently at least for me. I was laying in bed when I looked up to see the blob that is my body in the mirror closet doors, well that'll make a girl feel good about herself!
I'm sorry that this whole post seems to be so down it's just how I'm feeling right now. What gets you through the down times so you don't unravel all the progress you've made?

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