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Yesterday Fell Apart

Friday, March 17, 2017

Today will be better.

First, there's the clear dawn sunlight streaming into my room. I always feel capable and optimistic when I see the morning dawn.

Second, I am grateful that I have this new opportunity to continue what I was doing yesterday, but did not complete. And I'm avoiding the annoyance, even anger that I felt about myself for letting things fall apart.

I try to do four big blocks of work, "stuff" really, each day. Two blocks of self education (professional and French), taxes - a topical issue, and exercise - I want the ol' body to continue to perform well as long as it can. Yesterday I got started well, but a few things interrupted my morning of quiet work. The professional ed got done, but the French was neglected. The exercise got done, but taxes were put off. I made some really healthy chili which my wife and I enjoyed for dinner, and I started a loaf of bread rising that I'll bake later today. But I somehow spent a couple hours on Amazon trying to figure out their shipping system, and looking for a few less than really important things. Finally found them, placed my order. They arrive tomorrow. I think. But the time was gone and I never got back into my pattern of getting things done.

In the evening, after dinner, I enjoy watching an episode from the Mr. Robot series (season two). I'm down to the last episode, which is in two hour-long parts. And, having messed up my usual daily routine, I decided to not watch my series, and instead try to catch up on the French. A spinach before ice-cream sort of swap.

But I couldn't do the French. Just couldn't face it. It's frustrating. I can make excuses that I'll never need it. All bogus. But I didn't return to the lesson. But while I was stewing about my inability to do what I really think is important, I became more and more annoyed with myself, and picked up a bag of Easter jelly beans. (Candy that I never should have brought into the house). And against all reason, returned to my computer, watched a bizarre YouTube segment that was over an hour long filmed at my alma mater and featuring an amazing organist, and ate all the candy. Some 900 calories worth. I was angry at wasting time at Amazon and on YouTube. Was I really punishing myself? Beyond reason.

Fortunately for me, the morning sun is a reset button. Yesterday is gone. Today arises looking clear and inviting. I'll do better today. I'll even do well. No recriminations. I'm going to enjoy the day.
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