She blamed all her stress on me!
Wednesday, March 08, 2017
Someone stopped talking to me months ago. Now, most people would let it go and say "forget them." I, on the other hand, simply wanted to know why. Some people think someone is extending a kindness when they are silent. I am a straightforward kind of person so would rather have someone just blurt it out instead of leaving me wonder if I did or said something wrong. Sure, it might still be painful, but silence is much more hurtful. So after a while, she finally told me the reason. The funny thing is she made it seem like I spoke with her every day and we only spoke once every few months for maybe 10 minutes. She has anxiety and basically said I would be a hinderance to her recovery. Well, I have anxiety too and don't talk about it all the time. (Yes, I vent on these blogs but that's different). I may have spoke about it with her a couple of times because I thought she would understand. If she didn't want to talk about it, she could have just expressed that. It wouldn't have angered me. But instead of being upfront, she just quit talking to me. It was not out of kindness to spare my feelings. It was because she wanted to avoid doing anything that would have caused stress and made her uncomfortable. I encouraged her writing and told her I would be there if she needed someone to talk to. Now, I regret sharing with her that I also have anxiety. Why is it that her anxiety is acceptable and an illness she needs to recover from and mine is a toxin that emits negativity? My theory is that it is because it reminds her of her own insecurities that she cannot handle facing. I am not angry about knowing the truth and have no regrets about it. What is upsetting is that someone who I didn't talk to frequently is placing quite a lot of blame on me for their undue stress. We talked every day in high school (a long time ago) so it wasn't like she was a perfect stranger. She also thought I wanted to keep messaging her, but all I wanted was the reason for this sudden coldness. I let her know that too. It is my hope that nobody in her life ever goes through a difficult time because if they do, she will run away from them too. She perceived me trying to understand what went wrong as trying to guilt her. Me wanting to be aware of what went wrong has nothing to do with guilt tripping. She is just projecting her negative feelings about the situation on to me so she doesn't have to feel bad about anything, not that I made her feel bad. Even though we didn't talk all the time, it was a hurtful situation. The reason still was not as painful as the silence. If you have a shred of respect for someone, you will be honest with them. She essentially blamed all of her stress on me, but I am not the cause of her anxiety disorder and feel that she was being a little overdramatic. Especially considering the conversations were no more than 10 minutes long. She acted like I vented to her for 3 hours every day or something. I know I am better off without someone like that around.