Wednesday, March 01, 2017
It's been a hot minute, SparkPeeps.
Such a hot minute, that many of the folk who I befriended along the way no longer seem to be active! Sadness.
A lot has changed for me within the last year. I left my family's home in December, and moved in with my boyfriend, Matt. I got SparkPeople for my first-ever smart phone, but ultimately ended up ditching the app, because micromanaging burns me out.
Matt and I moved ourselves to central Michigan, my brother took us in as roomies, in September.
I left my childcare family before moving, at the end of summer camp, and was hired in at a deli/cafe/eatery that is oh-so-quaint and pretty darned quality. I've met a lot of amazing people there, and we strive to make to community a better place. Things were going so well.
And then, we lost dad on September 31st, 2016. We found out he'd passed on October 1st.
Lots of heartache and mixed emotions for a long while - in fact, a good many are still just below the surface - he was the catalyst for me leaving the house.
Mourning and coping happened. Denial, anger, acceptance.
We're still not sure if it was his love of scotch whiskey that got him, or if it was a heart attack. We might not ever know.
Things became really rocky for Matt and I in November 2016. The holidays were strained. There was very little effort for affection on his end. He was confused about a great many things, and his therapist advised him to "be confused" and ride it out.
I couldn't deal with it.
In January '17, the very first week of the new year, I told him that I couldn't handle not having solid answers any more, and that if he really did love me, he'd let me go.
And so, he did.
We're still living under the same roof. It's been weird, it's been strained, it's been tense (sometimes). It's very hard to re-adjust after having put so much of yourself into one person for 16 years, convinced that they were going to be THE one - they know all of your secrets, know you most intimately, know your thoughts, hopes, and dreams - and, *poof*. It changes, ultimately, because it hit them that they were unhappy.
Matthew is still a dear friend. Maybe not as close at the moment...but I think actual separation...not living in the same space...will help with that.
So, between those factors, and working in food service...it's been tough.
I've developed supination issues, especially in my right foot, and heel pain.
My job leaves me pretty tired and drained by the time I get home.
And if I walk or ride my bike, it's two miles there, and two miles back. Not the worst it could be, excellent cardio, but it does tend to put a damper on wanting to rev up Bellyfit/Embodied Goddess/hop on the elliptical.
I need a more comfortable bike seat, and new brakes on my bike. Maybe just a new bike. I'd feel bad about putting this one out to pasture, I've had her since I was in junior high...but I'm 32 now...and the poor bike's a bit old...
I also need a good pair of dance shoes suitable for belly dance. I've been rehearsing with a Balkan-Gypsy-Klemzer band here, and the floor in the music room where they jam is cement under tile - murder on my poor feet! Between the hard floor and foot pain that's already there...yeah...I need some protection and support...especially since the tempo of the tunes played is RIDICULOUSLY upbeat!
I've also been meditating with the Headspace app to gain some inner peace, I've been journaling thoughts, printing off affirmations that I feel apply to me and placing them in a book...I've been going to therapy, and have joined an art journaling group, subsequently.
I've been trying to improve...and I think it's high time that I take better care of my body, too. It's part of my well-being. It's where my soul lives. If I'm so afraid of heart issues, then I need to live like it. Better food choices, matching my activity levels to my calorie intake, and re-learning how to jut love me in general.
That's been my life in a nutshell lately, and what I hope is to come. Let's see how this journey goes.