ADARKARA
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Winter 5% Challenge - Week 4 & 5 Review

Saturday, February 25, 2017

I missed reviewing the challenge last week, and without going into detail, I've been depressed. I've been trying very hard to stay upbeat, but there is so much going on in my mind and heart right now that it's been a struggle.

This very short summary: My husband and I have been together for 16 years, married for 8. I used to think that "growing apart" was just a thing people said when they didn't want to talk about something worse but that really feels like what this is. I'm a vastly different person (both physically and emotionally) than I was when we got married, and he is almost exactly the same. We've been basically roommates for some time now and we've been in counseling for a year. The counseling has helped us fight less, and he's picked up some of the slack, but my heart says "don't spend the rest of your life settling for this". So I've been spending some time now working through things in my head and heart and talking with close friends. Nothing is imminent but it's like I've turned a corner in my head.

Anyway, February is always an awful, emotional month for me as is, and I spent most of Valentine's Day and the day after fighting crying spells. I BINGED on Valentine's Day. Now usually what I call a binge is maybe an extra 1,000 calories, but no. This was, I'm guessing, more like 3,000 extra calories. Feb 15th was better but still over. On top of that the scale was up for my weigh in on the 18th, and I felt awful for disappointing my team. Granted, SOME of that weight was due to ovulation water retention, but not nearly all. Ugh.

This week has been better. I have tracked EVERYTHING I've put into my mouth, and I've only been over on my calories (via FitBit) on one day, and that was the day I went to book club. The weather has been incredible the last few days here. Yesterday and today I've passed up doing Fitness Blender videos in order to go outside to walk and run, respectively. It's so gorgeous I just want to play hooky. (Also on the depression note, not having enough work to do at work doesn't help, it makes me moody and sad to not be busy.) I've also worn dresses or skirts every day this week! That's INSANE for the Philadelphia area during the last week of February.

Here's yesterday's outfit:


And this morning Bingley and I sat on the terrace and had breakfast:

And then I got ready for work:


I'm trying to get out and enjoy the warmth as much as I can, and focus on the positives in my life. I'm going to be blogging for a podcasting company as an accompaniment to their podcasts about food and wine. That should launch Wednesday, I hope.

Anyway, I'm here, and I AM trying, I swear. It just feels like a struggle to be productive at all these days. Maybe now that I have my thoughts down on paper I'll feel better about it.

Love you all!
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • NIELSENSLADY
    Sounds like you definitely are in a pickle. You need the downtime but too much of it, like most of us, use that time to think too much which can cause you to be upset. I sure hope you can sort all these things out though. Sounds like you've got some new awesome adventures coming up. Carry on. We're all here to support you know matter what you decide to do. emoticon
    601 days ago
  • BEESHELL8
    Funny, I was just thinking of you the other day- actually, when I was on the trail run. Because when I was depressed two years ago - and it lasted AWHILE - I couldn't do anything. I'm sorry to hear things are not going well with your marriage. It is HARD. We've been through some serious ups and downs the past year. And, I have two good friends who left long time marriages (29 and 24 years respectively). One of them, my friend Mary, had changed a lot. She has gone through an amazing process of personal growth and transformation and although she & her husband were in counseling, she ultimately decided to end it. Same with my other friend. I have a lot of respect for them to do the hard thing but the right thing for them.

    My parents had a lot of marital problems and discord. They never divorced and when my mom became ill in 2001, I think it just made things more strained. She couldn't help her behavior but my dad was really impatient with her. So I've always said to my husband, we'd better work this crap out because it was painful watching my parents.

    I'm thinking of you Andrea. Much love. And BTW your outfits are adorable. Glad you're getting a bit of warmth.
    601 days ago
  • JAMIRBLAZE
    emoticon

    Looking good! We know that you northerners are happy with a warm February, but tomorrow will be almost summer temps (mid to upper 80s) here, and we'd like at least another month or two before the heat hits.

    I'm glad that you have turned the corner in your head. Hope everything falls into place for you.
    602 days ago
  • DAWNSUCCESS
    What a difficult time for you. I am sorry. But you are doing this. You are successful. And we love you.
    602 days ago
  • LADYFROMTHEWOOD
    I've been seeing this in you for a long time now. Only you can answer how long is too long, why are you staying for good or bad, why do you want to move on (and toward what?), and can this be done in good conscience. That said, I've had a divorce myself. A long time ago. I just know that you are one smart lady and will take the time to choose according to the answers you know in your heart. I hate to see any marriage end, but have seen too many bad marriages suck the life out of both partners and the family/friends around them. Thinking of you, gf. ((((hugs))))
    Teresa
    602 days ago
  • SLINKYREDDRESS
    You look wonderful! I want to look that good in a dress.

    Sorry for your other difficulties. Sending love and hugs your way.

    emoticon
    602 days ago
  • BARBARAJ73
    emoticon
    602 days ago
  • BBEAGAN
    Ooooh, sounds like challenging times... I had to have those conversations with myself a long time back, about what 'settling' means and why I might deserve better. Then things had to change... Hang in there. Stay strong.
    603 days ago
  • IAMSUNNYHOWARD
    emoticon I will keep you in my prayers! Change is part of life, you have a lot of good things going on. Keep your chin up! emoticon
    603 days ago
  • LIVEDAILY
    Aw, hon... emoticon
    You know you can always give me a call, right?
    And I'm at exit 151 on the GSP.
    603 days ago
  • 1CRAZYDOG
    HUGS and more hugs.
    603 days ago
  • LPORTER2015
    Hang in there my friend...All things happen for a reason...Be prayerful and allow God to direct your path! Very cute pictures...Thanks for sharing!
    603 days ago
  • LAURA198302
    Very nice and cute dog
    603 days ago
  • AOKDIET21
    I grew up in Pittsburgh PA wear dress and skirt Year round for 18 years. It can be done
    603 days ago
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