I missed reviewing the challenge last week, and without going into detail, I've been depressed. I've been trying very hard to stay upbeat, but there is so much going on in my mind and heart right now that it's been a struggle.
This very short summary: My husband and I have been together for 16 years, married for 8. I used to think that "growing apart" was just a thing people said when they didn't want to talk about something worse but that really feels like what this is. I'm a vastly different person (both physically and emotionally) than I was when we got married, and he is almost exactly the same. We've been basically roommates for some time now and we've been in counseling for a year. The counseling has helped us fight less, and he's picked up some of the slack, but my heart says "don't spend the rest of your life settling for this". So I've been spending some time now working through things in my head and heart and talking with close friends. Nothing is imminent but it's like I've turned a corner in my head.
Anyway, February is always an awful, emotional month for me as is, and I spent most of Valentine's Day and the day after fighting crying spells. I BINGED on Valentine's Day. Now usually what I call a binge is maybe an extra 1,000 calories, but no. This was, I'm guessing, more like 3,000 extra calories. Feb 15th was better but still over. On top of that the scale was up for my weigh in on the 18th, and I felt awful for disappointing my team. Granted, SOME of that weight was due to ovulation water retention, but not nearly all. Ugh.
This week has been better. I have tracked EVERYTHING I've put into my mouth, and I've only been over on my calories (via FitBit) on one day, and that was the day I went to book club. The weather has been incredible the last few days here. Yesterday and today I've passed up doing Fitness Blender videos in order to go outside to walk and run, respectively. It's so gorgeous I just want to play hooky. (Also on the depression note, not having enough work to do at work doesn't help, it makes me moody and sad to not be busy.) I've also worn dresses or skirts every day this week! That's INSANE for the Philadelphia area during the last week of February.
Here's yesterday's outfit:
And this morning Bingley and I sat on the terrace and had breakfast:
And then I got ready for work:
I'm trying to get out and enjoy the warmth as much as I can, and focus on the positives in my life. I'm going to be blogging for a podcasting company as an accompaniment to their podcasts about food and wine. That should launch Wednesday, I hope.
Anyway, I'm here, and I AM trying, I swear. It just feels like a struggle to be productive at all these days. Maybe now that I have my thoughts down on paper I'll feel better about it.
Love you all!