A Spark in a Message from a friend or Mom or Both...
Monday, February 13, 2017
Well I haven't been on here in years... Motherhood has taken a toll on me with so many precious years but also some challenging moments. Our daughter is now 4 and I can't believe where the time has gone. Seems like just yesterday she was a baby in my arms. And today I can't even tell her shes my baby without her saying "I'm not a baby."
Now that we are in our own home and making our lives we have been wanting to make another baby but. Honestly I am the same weight I was when we left the hospital 250 lbs. I did lose some weight but I just stopped taking care of myself. Just gave up.
A week and a few days ago my brother-in-law as we were having a conversation about helping us learn a better way to parent our kid (cause honestly somedays I have no idea what I am doing). We got on the topic of my health. I told him I honestly feel tired all the time, somedays I have a hard time staying awake. I think it's stress or maybe it's depression (no one said being a full time stay at home mom was not hard). He asked me "Did you tell your doctor?" I laughed it off and said what doctor. He grabbed my arm and said come on follow me. And the inner part of me knew what he was gonna say. But I followed him to the room my daughter was in playing. He said "It's not about you but (points to our daughter) Her." I wanted to cry but instead I said "I know." (funny how this makes me cry now).
It has been on my mind and bugging me that last Monday I worked out, ended up being the only day that week but I did something. This Monday it feels like I have a new spark in me of hope. Not sure if it's because my Mom started weight watchers two weeks ago or of what my Brother-in-law said or if it was both. But today I got dressed in workout clothes, had a good learning time for homeschooling this morning, kept away from the junk and put my hands to "trying" to learn how to make pockets to put in pants for our daughter. When our daughter woke up from her nap I took her outside and we raked leaves. Then we went out to eat but I choose modest items and was full (not like I would normally feel). And tonight it's 11pm normally I would go for a snack and I feel content. Also I haven't drank this much water in one day in a long time. Any time I would start feeling like taking a nap I would move to keep myself awake.
Overall I am thrilled that a bit of hope actually sparked something inside of me. I feel like I can get this weight off again and enjoy a long life and watch her grow up. Something that I thought was dead a long time ago feels like it's awake again. I can't explain how this feels but I hope this feeling keeps growing and I don't lose it again.