Journal entry 1
Saturday, February 11, 2017
Not yet a week since I came back. I can't say I have done a lot for the weight loss. I didn't binge. There is that.
Those of you who have knowed me for a while know that I can do what I set out to do. I did run the 10k, I went back to school for my bachelor's degree in engineering and going well at it. I have, quite a few times lost a goid amount of Weight, but here I am again and again.
I have this problem : when I start behaving and do good, part of me just want to binge. The worst if it is that I am aware of it! When I am happy that I am doing well, I will go to the cupboard or the fridge, without being hungry, and look for the worst thing I could out in my mouth. All the while thinking I shouldn't be doing this. Knowing it is sabotage. I am not hungry, I don't feel deprived I just want to fail.
Most of the time, I can't or won't fight it. I have to know why I am doing this. It doesn't make sense.
By thevwsy, this is NOT a pity party.This is a statement. Now that I have voiced the problem it is time to address it.
So, here are the things I want to accomplish this week,:
- buy a new scale to get a starting weight
- not binge
- track all the food I put in my mouth
- find a therapist to help find out what makes me sabotage myself.