Thursday, February 02, 2017
I am reading a book for my new job called Speed of Trust by Stephen Covey (jr, not sr). I love that the organization I am going to puts trust as one of the centerpieces of its organizational behaviors... but realized that I had some work to do in this area. One of the keys to trust is starting with trusting yourself, and I feel like I've broken trust with myself lately on this journey.
Over the past week, I have reverted back to old habits. I'm not giving myself too hard of a time about it - things have been incredibly stressful at my current job as I try to prepare for transition without having a replacement on board (in spite of giving seven weeks notice), and I have also had some business travel that has left my body out of sync.
Last night, I gathered with my siblings to take a photo for my mother for her birthday, and while looking at the digital image, I was so disappointed with what I saw. This briefly sent me into a tailspin of recrimination, self-doubt, and anguish over whether I'm ever going to be able to come back from where I'm at. Every once in a while, I seem to forget that I'm as heavy as I am.
I don't believe in punishing one's self, but I also wonder if it wouldn't be helpful for me to be confronted with a more realistic picture of what I actually look like in order to help keep me motivated. In any case, it's time for some re-dedication to what I set out to achieve. I've been lax about meeting my step goals, and about logging my food, which combined is a recipe guaranteed to ensure that I'm going to stay where I'm at, which is not what I want.
It's time to start working to develop trust in myself, mainly by setting goals and keeping those goals. Starting tomorrow, I commit to logging my food every day - the good, the bad, and the ugly. If I forget in any given day, I will go back and add it in to the best of my recollections the following day. I was doing much better paying attention to my body when I wasn't involved in the magical thinking associated with believing that if I don't document it, it didn't happen.