Never give up! Never surrender! (my favorite movie quote)

I am a very quiet, shy, keep to myself sort of person…. I am really working hard on getting my thoughts into words. It is not easy for me to do and that is why I don’t blog all that often. Never, until a couple of weeks ago, but I am trying.

I have been fighting and struggling with my emotions, my feelings, and myself about sticking with my journey to a better health. Due to a lot of stress I gained to much weight in 2016 and I am having a really hard time getting it back down and under control.

As some of you know one of my best friends, Kathy, is fighting Leukemia and unfortunately it seems to be winning for the moment. She was diagnosed with it about a year and a half ago. She went through chemo treatments that did not have a great affect on it. She is now taking an oral chemo daily and has around 4 liters of fluid drained from her abdomen every week. She is rail thin and I fear that I am going to break her if I give her a hug. I do not get to see her as much as I would like because her immune system is also failing. I pray, I pray all of the time for her.

I wrote an email to a couple of my spark friends about giving up (or not) and wanted to share my thoughts with all of you too.

I look at my friend Kathy who is going through cancer, and not doing well at that, and I think: is weight all that important in the grand scene of life? Living life to the fullest potential is, weight should not matter! At least I keep trying to convince myself of that. Living life yes, but weight? I feel guilty about having a healthy weight and a healthy immune system and I think that watching Kathy go through this is part of my problem. I cannot even imagine what my weight would be if I did not have my wonderful friends at Spark People. If I quit now I am quitting on Kathy and on myself and I refuse to do that. I think I was really unaware of this before, but when I was talking to another friend about Kathy this just came out of the blue, now that I know this maybe I can move past it. 

***I am still having a hard time with getting past it so I am hoping putting myself out there will also help.

Please forgive all of my jumbled thoughts. And thank you for listening.


On another note:

All of the above is one of the reasons that I started this group. Please check out the Backsliders Support Group “Find your strong”. If you wish to just check us out or join us our link is as follows:

www.sparkpeople.com/mysp
ark/groups_individual.asp?
gid=68195