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Why am I doing this?

Monday, January 30, 2017

I keep asking myself why I bother trying to lose this weight. Then I remember - So I can live.

Ive tried losing weight my entire life and never succeeded beyond losing maybe 20 pounds. Then I would gain those 20 pounds back with 10-15-20 more added to it. A typical yo-yo dieter. I finally decided it just wasn't worth it to starve or to deny myself things I liked so I quit dieting. Then I found SparkPeople. Of course, I didn't find it until I was in my late 60's.

I've been using SparkPeople and all it's tools for the last 2 years. I initially lost 26 pounds, well over the first year I lost it. Since then I've been back on the seesaw with weight loss. So, I'm still basically in the same place I was at a year after I started. At least I haven't gained all of the 26 pounds back.

I HAVE to lose weight (50 more pounds) to get a lung transplant because I'll die without one So what's my problem? I finally figured out that I wasn't truly committed to losing weight. WHAT?? WHY??? I don't know why? I just know I couldn't believe myself when I figured this out. Did I want to die? Well, NO! Then what was wrong with me? I still haven't figured that out but I have made some decisions.

I'm going to continue on this journey but not because of the possibility of a lung transplant.
Whether I can get one is not up to me. Yes, losing the weight is a deciding factor but not the only one.

My reasons for losing the weight now are:

1 - To treat my body like the temple The Bible says it is.
2 - To reduce medications
3 - To breathe as good as I possibly can without a transplant.
4 - To get healthier so I will be fit enough for a transplant if one is possible.
5 - To make my life as good as it can be while I'm living here on earth.

Oh, and don't feel sorry for me. I couldn't do anything to prevent this disease but I've lived as well as I can with it. And I have no fears about death, the Lord will take me home when he's ready for me and nothing can take me away before that time.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • STARLITNIGHT
    Best wishes on you health, spark has everything we need to help us stay focused on this journey.
    892 days ago
  • LEANJEAN6
    And you Are doing this!-Lynda
    894 days ago
  • SUNNYCALIGIRL
    emoticon

    You've taken a critical look at yourself without pity and without hate. Self castigation and hate is not something anyone needs. We need to evaluate ourselves from time to time. It's hard sometimes to be truthful about ourselves, we all have blind spots there. I am most impressed by your peace and acceptance.
    898 days ago

    Comment edited on: 1/31/2017 1:18:12 PM
  • 1CRAZYDOG
    Good analysis!
    899 days ago
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    Disclaimer: Weight loss results will vary from person to person. No individual result should be seen as a typical result of following the SparkPeople program.