Tuesday, January 24, 2017
One of the hardest things I'm learning to do. For so many years I have had nothing but self loathing for the person I seen in the mirror, she disgusted me nothing about her made me happy . And over the years I have treated her awfully, poor eating habits no exercise. Never would I have a full length mirror in my house. Now I have to tell myself it's okay she is and always will be a part of you, she is not you now but she is who you came from . In order to love the me now I have to learn to love the person I was. My stretch marks, loss skin are my battle scars they tell the story of where I've come from of the fight that I'm fighting for me. For anyone going though this the pain is real, the humiliation of going out in public is almost to unbearable, the fear that people see you as a fat lazy blob who can't stop her elbow from bending toward her mouth makes any kind of outside activities impossible. There are days that I still see the old me the disgusting me and no amount of encouragement from my husband or friends helps. Their are a lot of us out there that can't see the weight loss that others see. I still cry bitter tear because there are days that I feel so huge that it just make me want to stay in bed and feel sorry for myself. So yeah self love is the hardest thing I'm am having to deal with. Thanks for letting me rant. I there are people who know what I'm going through and I know it is so hard to believe that it's going to get better but I also know that it will we just have to keep pushing I'm here if anyone needs a ear or a friend you are not alone.