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Pondering

Tuesday, January 17, 2017

This morning while out on my walk at 5:30 am, I got to thinking about what it is that makes some people successful at weight loss and some of us not. I am in the NOT category.

I mean, here I am, it's freaking 28 degrees outside... so damn cold that my dog looked at me like I was a crazy person, then turned around and went back inside. That's some dedication, right??? I've been up at 5:15 and walking even when it's raining out (not pouring down rain, I'm not THAT much of a crazy person) and yet after ***mumble, mumble, mumble*** years, I am still not at my goal weight. Not only am I not at my goal weight, I am back up to nearly where I started when I came to Spark ***mumble, mumble, mumble*** years ago.

This is not a pity party. It's not. I am just at my wit's end trying to figure out why I continue this path... down 20, up 18, down 10, up 11, down 35, up... well, you get the picture. Is it because I think that eating kettle chips as a vegetable is not going to catch up with me? What is it that gets me super energized to lose weight, lose it, then somewhere along the way, stumble and wind up back where I started. I don't consider myself a masochist. As a matter of fact, I'm kind of a big baby where pain is concerned.

So, I'm blogging. I really never thought that I would do this. It's pretty much way out of my comfort zone. I don't like sharing that I'm fat. I'm like the opposite of an anorexic... I don't see myself as fat as I am, where they don't see themselves as skinny as they are. What would that even be called? Is there a name for that? Fat denial? There should be some sort of clever work for it... there probably isn't, because as we all know, fat is the last acceptable prejudice that there is. Ouch... but true.

This fat girl begins again, on the journey to weight loss and what... happiness? I'm happy in all aspects of my life, but weight. Health... I'm actually quite healthy. My PA says that if she had more patients like me, she'd be out of business... if I could just lose some weight. She doesn't even recommend the "standard", saying that is too thin for me. So what the heck?

I guess this is the journey of weight loss seen through the eyes of another person just trying to get it right this time.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • DAWNSUCCESS
    Count me in that this is me too. We support you, and we can do this together!
    1409 days ago
  • ISABELLE84
    One of our fellow Sparkers blogged about willpower yesterday. And it sounds as if you are lacking willpower to stay on tracks. She said that willpower is the same thing as a muscle, the more you use it, the more it's effective. (Did you know that willpower means "energetic determintation", pretty slick, huh?)

    I struggle with self discipline (we all do) but what keeps me on track is the belief that when I will be older, I will be healthy. Being in a hospital bed for year because I chose chips instead of carrots scares me a lot. I want to have kids and play with them, and then the grand kids. I think, you need to find that thing that is more valuable to you then the 2 minutes rush sugar gives you.

    One last thing, blogging and being active on SP helps me a lot; it keeps me accountable and dedicated. So congrats on the blog and keep sparking!

    You got this!
    1410 days ago
  • NELLJONES
    Oh my, the lament of the ages! You really want to lose the weight, you get up in the morning full of resolve, but then that one fleeting moment, you want kettle chips more than weight loss. Just the one moment!! How to get past that moment? In reality it doesn't last that long--if you don't give in to it, but it feels like the Battle of the Ages. Judith Beck deals with just these moments, have you read any of her books? She will give you HOPE!
    1410 days ago
  • JENARUL
    As you can already read from previous posters, (pp), you are not alone.

    Food lifestyle absorbs each and every one of us. We are confronted with having to make decisions about food each and every day. It's tiring having to do this especially when there's so much information to process. We hear about what you should eat if you wish for this and that, and what you should be aware of to avoid this or that, but you can't cut this or that otherwise you might risk "this or that". It's draining.

    I love your dedication to your morning walks! And I'm excited for you to start the blogs. After I became more active on the SP boards, teams, blogs, is when I reached my goal. I feel that it helps me stay on the path as well as regroup to the community after straying off the path for a day or even a week.

    Make some rules for yourself, and when the rules get bent straighten them out the next day.
    Keep focusing on what you want and make decisions that will get you there. We're here for you!!
    emoticon

    1410 days ago
  • DIANEDOESSMILES
    As you see from the below comments it's common for many to go down than up.

    From my own experience. When I stop eating right, drinking the usual 8 glasses, not exercising, there's something happening in my life that I am not coping with well. We know in general I am quite happy with myself and most around me. Still we all have "stuff" happening on a daily basis. I journal to help myself figure out what it is "that's eating me" so that "I eat you" (oreo's ,, ,ice cream family size of chips in a day,, ,you get the pic !) doesn't happen.

    Perchance when you reach for something is it that bored? Or does your mouth feel like mine it just "needs"something in it? I now reach for a hard piece of candy,, it DOES help. I also do things to distract myself from thinking about a certain food such as reading (I do so on my kindle and who wants icky finger marks?) paint, anything to keep my hands busy.
    1410 days ago
  • CHERIRIDDELL
    I hear you I am a bit of a yoyo myself.
    1410 days ago
  • TERMITEMOM
    Please do not get discouraged Monica. I have been many times where you are and this is not fun. The important thing is to keep at it! emoticon emoticon
    1410 days ago
  • EMMACORY
    When we figure out why we sabotage, I believe we will keep our weight off for good. There is mental and emotional work that needs to be done in conjunction with dropping the pounds.
    1410 days ago
  • TREVA017
    I share your experience. I lost 37 pounds recently and gained it all back over the next year. I can blame it on developing a mobility issue and some fatigue from working two jobs, but the truth is that I can acknowledge that I look and feel better when I'm thinner, but I can't make the permanent lifestyle changes to maintain it. I sabotage myself by not exercising, by having "just one" Oreo, by drinking diet sodas instead of water, by eating when I've had a bad day. If it's in my house or office, eventually I WILL eat it, so I don't buy stuff that I should avoid...until I've had a bad day, or bad moment, or bad encounter, or bad medical news. Then I open my mouth and eat - macaroni salad, Doritos, a Krispy Kreme doughnut, or a large Diet Pepsi. Once I fall off the "eat right" wagon, it's difficult to have self-discipline again. I also emoticon get bored with my favorite healthy foods, even the fresh veggies that I really, really like...and then I treat myself to a fast food hamburger. Even being diagnosed as diabetic hasn't kept me on the straight and narrow all the time. I do better if I have a partner (sister, friend, child) who is also trying. I can do it for them, but not for myself. So, I yo-yo up and down but I keep trying, since healthy some or most of the time is better than never. Hang in there - a lot of us struggle right along with you.
    1411 days ago
  • IOWAGRAMMA
    Oh my...I truly hear you and can definitely identify with everything you've said. Having said that, in the last couple years I've found that my health isn't quite as great as it was and I do have more mobility issues, so that does make this more important to me now than ever before. However, I still haven't found an answer or solution to the down and up pattern that I've had for many years. I hope you find a great answer for you and that you're successful in this journey. Please keep sharing and thanks for being so honest!! emoticon emoticon emoticon
    1411 days ago
  • COOP9002
    Blessings on your journey. You can do this!!
    1411 days ago
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