Tuesday, January 17, 2017
This morning while out on my walk at 5:30 am, I got to thinking about what it is that makes some people successful at weight loss and some of us not. I am in the NOT category.
I mean, here I am, it's freaking 28 degrees outside... so damn cold that my dog looked at me like I was a crazy person, then turned around and went back inside. That's some dedication, right??? I've been up at 5:15 and walking even when it's raining out (not pouring down rain, I'm not THAT much of a crazy person) and yet after ***mumble, mumble, mumble*** years, I am still not at my goal weight. Not only am I not at my goal weight, I am back up to nearly where I started when I came to Spark ***mumble, mumble, mumble*** years ago.
This is not a pity party. It's not. I am just at my wit's end trying to figure out why I continue this path... down 20, up 18, down 10, up 11, down 35, up... well, you get the picture. Is it because I think that eating kettle chips as a vegetable is not going to catch up with me? What is it that gets me super energized to lose weight, lose it, then somewhere along the way, stumble and wind up back where I started. I don't consider myself a masochist. As a matter of fact, I'm kind of a big baby where pain is concerned.
So, I'm blogging. I really never thought that I would do this. It's pretty much way out of my comfort zone. I don't like sharing that I'm fat. I'm like the opposite of an anorexic... I don't see myself as fat as I am, where they don't see themselves as skinny as they are. What would that even be called? Is there a name for that? Fat denial? There should be some sort of clever work for it... there probably isn't, because as we all know, fat is the last acceptable prejudice that there is. Ouch... but true.
This fat girl begins again, on the journey to weight loss and what... happiness? I'm happy in all aspects of my life, but weight. Health... I'm actually quite healthy. My PA says that if she had more patients like me, she'd be out of business... if I could just lose some weight. She doesn't even recommend the "standard", saying that is too thin for me. So what the heck?
I guess this is the journey of weight loss seen through the eyes of another person just trying to get it right this time.