Feeling whiny today
Sunday, January 15, 2017
Over the last four years I've lost a lot of weight because of health problems, which isn't the best way to lose weight, but I didn't have a choice. Five years ago I would have been thrilled to find out how much weight I would lose in the future, but it's not been as great as I thought it would be.
Firstly, I secretly hoped losing g weight would make me look better. I was cute when I was young, but getting fat made me lose my looks. I was mostly too busy raising my daughters and just generally being depressed and anxious to care too much, but in the back of my mind I thought I would get my looks back if I lost weight. Now don't get me wrong, I think some people look great at a higher weight, but I don't. I so don't. But, I still looked better than I do now. I look kind of terrible.
Secondly, I'm more freaked out by losing the weight than I thought I would be. My arms and face usually lose weight first, and when my arms got smaller they didn't look like my arms. I stared at them and tried to get used to the fact that they're mine, but it was weirdly difficult. In December I went to a doctor's appointment and the nurse who took my blood pressure called my arms scrawny, which was supposed to be a compliment, but it made me momentarily panic. My arms aren't scrawny! Nothing about me is scrawny! I have a strange fear of not being able to protect myself since I'm smaller, which doesn't make any sense because I'm not in any kind of danger. Because of health issues, I have to try and get stronger very slowly, so I feel weak.
Lastly, my doctor told me to walk, when I can, but it's frustrating trying to get credible information on how to exercise and eat for the best health. I don't distrust doctors like many people do, but there are definitely areas where doctors are silent, and I want to do what I can, besides take medication, to help myself to be healthy. Oh, there's a wealth of resources out there with information about my problems, but I'm confused about how credible most of it is.