Obligatory New Year's Post
Monday, January 02, 2017
Well, it's the New Year, so of course I've got to post! I'm going to do a stream-of-consciousness entry without looking at the computer screen.
I'm here because I don't like my body. I'm also here because I love my body. I vacillate back and forth between being disgusted by my appearance when I get out of the shower, and feeling very grateful for my strong arms and legs and abs (and back, and so on), during yoga class.
I'm trying a vegetarian diet for January because I have learned about the negative impact that meat production has on the environment. I also feel that, as long as I get enough protein and iron, it's also good to try vegetarian eating for health reasons. The key is not to become a "junk food vegetarian." There are many sweets and fatty foods that happen to be vegetarian, but I need to avoid those. What I want to do is eat a lot of whole grains, vegetables, and fruits, as well as legumes and nuts.
I have trouble getting enough protein even as an omnivore, so I'm really going to have to exert effort to get enough protein. Sometimes, I wonder if SparkPeople is asking me for more protein than I truly need. However, I thought the same thing about water when I started SparkPeople several years ago, and now I love getting my eight glasses of water in every day.
Before I served in the US Peace Corps in 2008, I weighed 137 pounds. While I was in the Philippines for my assignment, I couldn't get back under 140. Ever since then, I've had trouble with my weight, at least by my own standards. I never went into the "overweight" range regarding my BMI, but now I'm almost 151 pounds, and I really, really hate it. My clothes don't fit right, and I feel gross. It feels impossible to get back down to 138, which is my goal. The main reasons are that I live with my foodie family, and they don't worry about maintaining a healthy weight or eating in moderation; and there are always tons of sweets at my workplace. I can't escape either of these environments, so I have to figure out how to refrain from eating what's constantly in my face. I wish I could live alone and work at a place that doesn't have garbage food everywhere, but that's not in the cards right now.
I don't know how to be around food and not eat it, especially if everyone around me is eating it. I feel extremely frustrated about this. But when my mother tried to push candy on me today, I told her I'm trying to lose weight, and she backed off. So maybe I just need to tell each individual person I live with that I'm making big changes to my diet. They're generally supportive in other areas of my life, so this may be a good course of action.
I've joined a Vegetarian Meetup here in Indianapolis, so I'll have the chance this month to talk to other vegetarians and eat at veggie-friendly restaurants with them.
I couldn't move my legs for about thirty minutes earlier today, and as a result, I wasn't able to get to yoga class in time. I think I'm anxious about going back to work tomorrow. I've been off since Christmas Day, so I probably have a lot of emails to answer. And voicemails. Ugh, I don't want to go back there!
I'm pretty angry in general right now. I'm supposed to start my period in a day or two, and I always get extremely irritated when I'm PMS-ing. Also, I'm hanging out with my brothers in my littlest brother's room, and they keep singing and talking about video games, which I'm not interested in. I think I'll stop writing for now and just knit the socks I'm working on. Perhaps that will be a little soothing.