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Obligatory New Year's Post

Monday, January 02, 2017

Well, it's the New Year, so of course I've got to post! I'm going to do a stream-of-consciousness entry without looking at the computer screen.

I'm here because I don't like my body. I'm also here because I love my body. I vacillate back and forth between being disgusted by my appearance when I get out of the shower, and feeling very grateful for my strong arms and legs and abs (and back, and so on), during yoga class.

I'm trying a vegetarian diet for January because I have learned about the negative impact that meat production has on the environment. I also feel that, as long as I get enough protein and iron, it's also good to try vegetarian eating for health reasons. The key is not to become a "junk food vegetarian." There are many sweets and fatty foods that happen to be vegetarian, but I need to avoid those. What I want to do is eat a lot of whole grains, vegetables, and fruits, as well as legumes and nuts.

I have trouble getting enough protein even as an omnivore, so I'm really going to have to exert effort to get enough protein. Sometimes, I wonder if SparkPeople is asking me for more protein than I truly need. However, I thought the same thing about water when I started SparkPeople several years ago, and now I love getting my eight glasses of water in every day.

Before I served in the US Peace Corps in 2008, I weighed 137 pounds. While I was in the Philippines for my assignment, I couldn't get back under 140. Ever since then, I've had trouble with my weight, at least by my own standards. I never went into the "overweight" range regarding my BMI, but now I'm almost 151 pounds, and I really, really hate it. My clothes don't fit right, and I feel gross. It feels impossible to get back down to 138, which is my goal. The main reasons are that I live with my foodie family, and they don't worry about maintaining a healthy weight or eating in moderation; and there are always tons of sweets at my workplace. I can't escape either of these environments, so I have to figure out how to refrain from eating what's constantly in my face. I wish I could live alone and work at a place that doesn't have garbage food everywhere, but that's not in the cards right now.

I don't know how to be around food and not eat it, especially if everyone around me is eating it. I feel extremely frustrated about this. But when my mother tried to push candy on me today, I told her I'm trying to lose weight, and she backed off. So maybe I just need to tell each individual person I live with that I'm making big changes to my diet. They're generally supportive in other areas of my life, so this may be a good course of action.

I've joined a Vegetarian Meetup here in Indianapolis, so I'll have the chance this month to talk to other vegetarians and eat at veggie-friendly restaurants with them.

I couldn't move my legs for about thirty minutes earlier today, and as a result, I wasn't able to get to yoga class in time. I think I'm anxious about going back to work tomorrow. I've been off since Christmas Day, so I probably have a lot of emails to answer. And voicemails. Ugh, I don't want to go back there!

I'm pretty angry in general right now. I'm supposed to start my period in a day or two, and I always get extremely irritated when I'm PMS-ing. Also, I'm hanging out with my brothers in my littlest brother's room, and they keep singing and talking about video games, which I'm not interested in. I think I'll stop writing for now and just knit the socks I'm working on. Perhaps that will be a little soothing.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • BACK2SCHOOLGAL
    First off, at least you don't pms from the time you ovulate until you start your monthly (I do). Second, maybe not being able to move your legs earlier that day was a way of saying you need rest. My head is keeping me from exercising today (honestly I'm glad its happening now and not at the start of school that starts in 13 days).

    Smart move on finding a vegetarian group where you live. That will help you awesomely. Not that lucky here.

    I would love to be down to 151. I haven't seen that since I was in middle school (over 20 years ago yikes).
    1479 days ago
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