And another new record... but not a good one! Ugh.
Tuesday, November 29, 2016
I missed my weigh-in yesterday, so I did it this morning: 344.0
Umm... well, that sucks. I was supposed to be losing weight and here I am gaining it. Now 344 is my highest weight yet. Sigh. When I first started paying attention to myself it was 337. That's a 7 lb gain overall. I'm struggling not to feel superbly disappointed in myself or beat myself up.
I know I could rationalize at least some of the gain. I'm not eating on a true diet yet, and while I've been "good" I have no doubt eaten over my limits because I'm not tracking diligently enough.
I'm swimming more and more often -- and my body is SORE. I know I'm building muscle, which is denser than fat.
Plus, I know that I'm hormonal at the moment -- meaning that I'm probably retaining some extra water.
I don't really want to rationalize it away, though. I want to get good and angry. I want to use it as fuel to fight.
At 4:30 tonight, my enrollment in the weight management program kicks off by seeing the program physician, a dietitian, having my first official weigh-in, and my first group session. I'm more than ready. Nervous about meeting new people -- but more than ready to get started. I just don't have all the time I need to do all the planning and tracking and whatnot. I barely have the time to exercise. Well, I'm MAKING the time. So, I need this. I need someone to take the choices away from me for a while. I think I'm suffering from decision fatigue, heh.
So, yes -- I'm NOW at my highest weight yet. It's sad that over the past several weeks I've only managed to gain but, well, it just means I have more to lose now. That's all.
And if it is mostly lean muscle causing the gain, I'm going to go back to measuring my body once a month. At least if I do that, then I can maybe feel more confident trying to rationalize any gains away. Because, right now, I feel no confidence at all. For all I know, it really was just all fat I've continued to pack on. I mean, it's possible. 7 pounds in a ~month would only be an average daily calorie surplus of 790 calories. I'd like to think I haven't done that... but at this point, I know it's entirely possible because I just don't pay attention to my diet like I should. I could swim every day for an hour, but keep eating like I do, and probably continue to gain weight. It's because I don't put in the effort into my diet. I've convinced myself I don't have time. Well, that changes. I'm forcing my own hand.