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And another new record... but not a good one! Ugh.

Tuesday, November 29, 2016

I missed my weigh-in yesterday, so I did it this morning: 344.0

Umm... well, that sucks. I was supposed to be losing weight and here I am gaining it. Now 344 is my highest weight yet. Sigh. When I first started paying attention to myself it was 337. That's a 7 lb gain overall. I'm struggling not to feel superbly disappointed in myself or beat myself up.

I know I could rationalize at least some of the gain. I'm not eating on a true diet yet, and while I've been "good" I have no doubt eaten over my limits because I'm not tracking diligently enough.

I'm swimming more and more often -- and my body is SORE. I know I'm building muscle, which is denser than fat.

Plus, I know that I'm hormonal at the moment -- meaning that I'm probably retaining some extra water.

I don't really want to rationalize it away, though. I want to get good and angry. I want to use it as fuel to fight.

At 4:30 tonight, my enrollment in the weight management program kicks off by seeing the program physician, a dietitian, having my first official weigh-in, and my first group session. I'm more than ready. Nervous about meeting new people -- but more than ready to get started. I just don't have all the time I need to do all the planning and tracking and whatnot. I barely have the time to exercise. Well, I'm MAKING the time. So, I need this. I need someone to take the choices away from me for a while. I think I'm suffering from decision fatigue, heh.

So, yes -- I'm NOW at my highest weight yet. It's sad that over the past several weeks I've only managed to gain but, well, it just means I have more to lose now. That's all.

And if it is mostly lean muscle causing the gain, I'm going to go back to measuring my body once a month. At least if I do that, then I can maybe feel more confident trying to rationalize any gains away. Because, right now, I feel no confidence at all. For all I know, it really was just all fat I've continued to pack on. I mean, it's possible. 7 pounds in a ~month would only be an average daily calorie surplus of 790 calories. I'd like to think I haven't done that... but at this point, I know it's entirely possible because I just don't pay attention to my diet like I should. I could swim every day for an hour, but keep eating like I do, and probably continue to gain weight. It's because I don't put in the effort into my diet. I've convinced myself I don't have time. Well, that changes. I'm forcing my own hand.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Thanks for the words of encouragement, ladies. I really am not discouraged (even though I think I even used that word above). I'm angry and determined more than anything. I know that muscle gain and water retention are probably a major contributor -- but I guess my point was that I'm not content to just "assume" that I'm losing weight but not seeing it, if that makes sense. I know I still have some major adjustments to make. So, while it sucked a lot to see a higher number -- the biggest yet -- on the scale this morning, more than anything it just makes me want to go swim harder and really take myself seriously -- like I should have been all along.

    1656 days ago
    I agree with both posters. TOM can cause water retention as well as building muscle which I think is possible because you're sore from swimming. Swimming is a full body workout. Def. start measuring for better accuracy of what you're doing right.
    1656 days ago
    Don't give up, I had to quit weighing myself daily because it was too discouraging. I began self sabotaging myself. You can do this. Track as often as you can, every little bit helps
    1656 days ago
    Don't get discouraged. When you start to exercise, your muscles sometimes retain water to help them repair. Also I know for me personally, when it's that time of the month, I always gain 5-10lbs of water weight. It goes away. Stick with it!
    1656 days ago
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