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Sorting out thoughts

Sunday, November 27, 2016

I've been struggling a lot lately, emotionally. I feel like there is a lot on my mind and sometimes I stop and realize my jaw has been clenched for days and I'm forgetting to be aware of my breathing, resulting in shallow, anxious, do nothing for ya kind of breaths. I'm going to try to be more conscious of these things. Sometimes life is just hard, and that's all there is to it. Do what ya can to pass the time and hope time passes quickly. But not too quickly. I think sometimes stuff hurts because it needs to be felt.

I've always been able to see past the trouble and look for the silver lining, but I have to admit, I'm just not there yet. I feel like I'm kind of losing myself right now and that scares me a little. I want to feel normal again. I hope I do soon.

This year has been a tough one for many people, I think. My friends and I are a little disconnected at most times. We all live in different cities so we don't see each other often. and when we do catch up it seems like everyone is going through some terrible stuff so we just spend the days together talking about and then ignoring the problems. Ah, I think sometimes we all just crave connection so deeply but are unsure of how to ask for it. Maybe if we were more direct and told each other how isolating life can be sometimes, it might make things easier.

I'm trying to find my optimism again. I am going to be celebrating Friendsmas (Christmas with a close group of long time friends) on Saturday and I don't know that I've looked forward to seeing a bunch of people so much in my life. We will eat a feast, and I can't guarantee I'll stay on track, but we will make some memories and maybe it will be a nice night for a new beginning, get a kickstart on the new year, and things will start shaping up.

I wish I had some real friends in this town!

Sorry to be a bummer! I needed to get it off my chest.
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  • no profile photo CD6687446
    It's hard to be in a new place away from friends and family over the holidays. Maybe you can start scouting out your town for new friends. Once you make one or two friends, you will probably meet their friends, etc. and before you know it, you won't be so alone anymore. No one can replace our heart friends, but our hearts are big enough to add more heart friends! Look around. There may be someone who needs a friend like you! emoticon
    1702 days ago
    emoticon emoticon

    I hope that you enjoy Friendsmas very much. What a wonderful idea.
    1702 days ago
    Thanks for the support, everyone. I don't usually put it all out there for people to read but I feel like I need some support and I always seem to find it here. Thanks again, I'll keep working to feel better.
    1702 days ago
  • JANET552
    I'm glad you put your thoughts in a blog. It helps to get it out. I love the Friendsmas idea. I hope you have a great time and make lots of great memories.
    1702 days ago
    Your "Friendsmas" sounds like a nice way to spend the holidays! I'm sorry they're far away, but with good friends, you can always just pick right up where you left off. And I personally am thankful for technology which keeps even far away friends close! I hope you meet some more friends, closer to where you live.
    emoticon emoticon emoticon
    1702 days ago
    Hang in there Jem, it is sad that your good friends live far away. I am sure you will meet someone in the place you live to add to friends. emoticon
    1702 days ago
    I'm feeling you, trust me. Share, and others will understand it more than you realize.

    I just had that connected trip with friends last week. I ate a lot of things I normally wouldn't, and indulged in some beverages, but, my main concern was the people I was breaking bread with. I was starving for that connection.
    Since I've been back home, I'm trying to fight the loneliness and other pains seem bigger without hugs to make them insignificant.
    I've been struggling a bit, having the urge to eat or drink, which I haven't really had to deal with all that much past my first month back here.

    Trying to feel the feelings, instead of denying, ignoring or binging them away... but, that's not all that fun, tbh.
    1703 days ago
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