Sorting out thoughts
Sunday, November 27, 2016
I've been struggling a lot lately, emotionally. I feel like there is a lot on my mind and sometimes I stop and realize my jaw has been clenched for days and I'm forgetting to be aware of my breathing, resulting in shallow, anxious, do nothing for ya kind of breaths. I'm going to try to be more conscious of these things. Sometimes life is just hard, and that's all there is to it. Do what ya can to pass the time and hope time passes quickly. But not too quickly. I think sometimes stuff hurts because it needs to be felt.
I've always been able to see past the trouble and look for the silver lining, but I have to admit, I'm just not there yet. I feel like I'm kind of losing myself right now and that scares me a little. I want to feel normal again. I hope I do soon.
This year has been a tough one for many people, I think. My friends and I are a little disconnected at most times. We all live in different cities so we don't see each other often. and when we do catch up it seems like everyone is going through some terrible stuff so we just spend the days together talking about and then ignoring the problems. Ah, I think sometimes we all just crave connection so deeply but are unsure of how to ask for it. Maybe if we were more direct and told each other how isolating life can be sometimes, it might make things easier.
I'm trying to find my optimism again. I am going to be celebrating Friendsmas (Christmas with a close group of long time friends) on Saturday and I don't know that I've looked forward to seeing a bunch of people so much in my life. We will eat a feast, and I can't guarantee I'll stay on track, but we will make some memories and maybe it will be a nice night for a new beginning, get a kickstart on the new year, and things will start shaping up.
I wish I had some real friends in this town!
Sorry to be a bummer! I needed to get it off my chest.